"Did you set up the car so it would like an accident?" "Hey, what am I? An amateur?"Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar
"Don't tell Daddy about the other man coming over tonight." "Well, then you better raise my allowance."Ray Gaskill
"Daddy's having his midlife crisis again, and it's all your fault." "My fault? You're the one who gave him that copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas for Christmas."Paul T. Riddell
"Your father needs some time alone to sort things out" "OK, but why is he packing *YOUR* underwear?"anon
"Now Jeffy. We're going to-" "Let me guess. We're moving again cause' of those mean FBI men, right?"An-onion
"He really thinks he can win this time!"
"Aw, Mom! Why does Dad have to fly to every Dilbert Look-Alike Contest he hears about?"Andy Ihnatko
"Honey, Daddy's leaving because he never gave Mommy an orgasm in 15 years." "That's funny, he gave ME three."Frenchy
"Now did you put our little surprise in daddy's suitcase?" "Sure did, mom. Daddy won't find that loaded pistol until airport security does!"Nethicus
"Daddy's leaving because he can't stand the sight of you." "Sight of me? How can he seen anything through those coke bottles?"anon
"No, you can't go along with Daddy." "But he already put P.J. in there!"anon
"While Daddy's gone on business, you're the man of the house." "Okay. Get me a beer, then I'll slap you around a little."Bruce Gabrielle
"I asked you a question young man!" "Hey, I don't know who the hell he is, he just walked in and started unpacking."NO CARRIER
"Did you find out why your father's leaving?" "Yeah...he was looking for the KY-Jelly in my room the other day and found your lingerie under my bed."Dave
"The cartel's limo is waiting." "Daddy said he's almost ready, most of the cocaine is already packed."Roxanne LeReaux
"Is it done?" "The detonator is set for 15000 feet. Just make sure he buys plenty of flight insurance at the airport."anon
"Did you get the C-4?" "Sorry mom, all I could find was dynamite."John Moore4
"I think your father misplaced his weed." "Don't worry mom, I got it!"anon
"Now you're sure you took out all those little square packets?" "Damn, mom, I know what a rubber looks like."DrBill
"Your father's leaving for the weekend." "Ever notice how your hair looks like one of those helmets on 'The Jetsons'?"anon
"Daddy has to pay for what he did to my haircut." "Don't forget the time he took the hammer and made all these bumps on my head!"anon
"Tale as old as time..." "Song as old as rhyme..." "Beauty and the Dork."anon
"He says the sex wasn't good enough." "That's funny... that's the same line Dolly used on me!"anon
"Daddy is getting an operation so we won't have any more children." "Give it a rest Mom. Daddy is the only one who actually still believes he fathered any of us."Blake
"Nice going mister, you had to shoot off your big mouth." "ME? Listen bitch, you're the one who had to leave a hicky on my belly."matt
"Did you find it?" "Yeah, Mom. He's got your chin in his shaving kit."Roy Olsen
"Daddy's going away for awhile to be alone and find himself." "Alone? Then why's Uncle Roy waiting for him in that car around the corner?"anon
"Daddy's friends from the CIA need him for a 'job'." "Oh, so he took Kennedy out after all, eh?"Paul T. Riddell
"What's that white stuff in those bags?" "It's sugar Jeffy--damn good sugar."Josh
"Why isn't Billy the man of the house now?" "Well, Daddy's taking him to the Bad Cartoonists Convention, to encourage him in the family business."Trism
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