No, no, no! I'm still too thin for that professional wrestling job! Gimme another kid, Thel, and make sure it's covered in ketchup!Mike Smith
"I tell ya, Thel, there's nothin' like the feel of clumpy kitty litter squooshing between your toes."Larry Hastings
Sounds crazy, but Cowles said he wanted me to draw people on a normal scale.Namgubed the Merry Elf
"Strange! No matter how hard I pull up on my shorts, I weigh the same!".5 * wit
While the father was "Surfin on Heroin", we see the rest of the family returning from another "Trolling for Mud Bunnies Adventure". Lets watch.Treb
Holy fucking shit!!! I thought cum was supposed to be ONLY protein...it must be loaded with calories too!Rod Steward...I mean Stewart
Yup, nothing like sharing a high colonic with the whole family!Rainman
Flash.....AHaaaaaaaa! Savior of the universe!Nethicus
Could somebody please E-mail me and describe this cartoon? When I tried to look at the top frame my eyes started bleeding.Mycroft
Goddammit!! I need to gain at least another 300 pounds before I can audition in drag for the sequel to "Whoever is Eating Gilbert Grape".K-man
"Hey, honey, do you think there's any relationship between my having no thighs and the kids having no necks? Is that stuff genetic or something?"anon
You know how you conplain that you kids have only one nostril?...... Well, I ain't got no fucking nipples. Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon
Thel watched grimly, silently praying that no other children were lodged in any of Bil's orifices.devvie
Sure, Snoopy could get away with the vulture schtick, he had years of practice, was an animal, and didn't get nosebleeds when standing on anything higher than a bathroom scale.Ed Quimby
There's nothing like the feeling of squished lasagna squirting between your toes. thoth
Wow! That was 30 Pounds of Forensic evidence that just washed off of me!Terminus
Perched high atop Scale Mountain, the mighty Bil-hawk cawed menecingly at the weary travelers. The stripe-shorted one looked like easy prey. Thel, on the other hand, was getting pretty damn tired of all this bullshit.M
Thel, kids, All I can say is Nair rocks!Hugh Jass
Pejeus, still lashed to the thel from the passage past the sirens, could only watch helplessly as the mighty Scylla lowered its gaping maw to snatch up Jeffreus, who had proven himself a valiant warrior on the shores of Ileus.M
Woo hoo! It's a family enema day! I feel so light!Kevy
"The power cell almost has enough juice to teleport me to the Planet of the Scantily-Clad Melonbabes. Back to the coal mines, urchins!"Stealth
Hey! The talking scale just called me a talentless hack. Jesus, I can't get a break!Otis
"Consistent with my mental powers, the diving instructor advised me to start off fairly slow."lorlz paw
Come're Thel. I wanna know what I weigh without my glasses.Anastasia
Say! Since I started on those horse laxatives, I lost 35 pounds!anon
The stretching exercises had failed. Bil's dream of auto-fellatio was still just that -- a dream.Eat Yerself Fitter
Quick somebody get a pizza to cover this one up too!anon
Oh, quit griping you little bastards. In my day when when the Red Tide came in we considered ourselves lucky. We boiled it down for soup and canned it for those lean times when grandpa was off the wagon.anon
"Rise, Mr. Happy, rise and finish your work!"Generik
In a desperate act of self-defense, the Speedo logo sees the camera and leaps to the other leg.Rotter
Fantastic Four #69: Considered the worst issue ever. The Chubby Surfer arrives from the Impossible Zone on his flying scale, only to find the FF turned into grimy, melonheaded urchins.Paul "Excelsior!" Reed
"Well, that was about 5 pounds of surface dirt. Now I'll clean out all my orifices and step on again."ysabella
In most households if everyones half naked that means it's laudry day. But at the Keanes' that just means it's Wednesday.the skyclad answer
"Just fucking great",Thel thought to herself. "He's doped up on Thunderbird, singing 'Who wears short shorts?' to the bathroom scale again. Only 20 more yards to dig and sweet freedom is ours once more." bobo
"Watch, kids: a triple gainer!"Randall
The exact moment when Thel lost any the remaining remnants of her heterosexuality.anon
The scale says, "Disproportionately Long Calves."Namgubed the Merry Elf
Trunks, towel, red spray paint. Oh God, thought Thel. It's the Greg Louganis fantasy again.Tangent
Back to the DFC Archive index