Dolly! Need more large curd cottage cheese PRONTO!Mistah Breakstone
Hey! This Ebola Virus ain't so bad!Steve Bowden
"Hey, Mom! Can we let Barfy out of the cage now? He seems to be frothing a lot less!"Galahad
Mom! "Rubber Ducky's" beak is stuck again!Galahad
Jeffy! Dolly! You gotta see this. The TV fell in the tub with Grandma and she's twitching like you wouldn't believe!Anastasia
"MOM! Bad news! The blood isn't washing off!"Magus
Gee ma, thanks! Rubber Pope is the best tub toy ever!Mighty Owl
Billy was eventually forgiven for his incredibly...... strange sexual act, but the door never did smell the same again.anon
Jeffy! Get in here, Dolly learned a new trick!Bil's Drinkin' Buddy
"Okay Mister Welk, the bubble machine is ready and so am I!"Bil's Drinkin' Buddy
Hey! Could someone bring me my Don Ho CD?Anastasia
With quick defensive thinking, Billy hocked a huge loogie on the camera lens. Bil ran the photo anyway.Heath
"Wow-wee! I've just lanced that boil on Grandma Keane's back! You know that scene in Animal House where John Belushi pretends to be a zit?..."Dave Matthews
Oh! Hello! Welcome to the Keane Family Chamber of Horrors! Just in time for Halloween. Marvel at the head shapes nature never intended. Gaze upon alcoholic cartoonists doing unspeakable things to barnyard animals. Is this some sort of sentient blob devouring my flesh? Step inside and find out...nonentity
It was Billy who in fact was the original star of The Shining, but Jack Nicholson got the job because Billy was just too damn scary...laurel
Boy! That alka-seltzer'll cure anything!Plastic Elvis Pants
So that's what a "Tickle Me Elmo" is good for!Plastic Elvis Pants
... you're not Billy Keane unless you're ZestBilly Keane!Namgubed the Merry Elf
Damn this champagne bath is kick butt! You get drunk and clean, that's one better than dad on any given day!Schmuck
Guess what, mommy, my genital warts finally cleared up! Now if I could only get rid of this goddamn fungal infestation.anon
"Just cleaning some forensic evidence off, be right out!"Skywise
Who does a guy have to kill around here to get a towel that's not soaked in blood?Anastasia
What a pleasant surprise, Monsignor! Time for a little "extreme unction"?anon
Billy's new job as a Scrubbing Bubble was like a dream come true for him.Thomas Wilde
'Ello! My name is Simon. I like to do drawrings!Vitamin Tom
"Now, you're said these will only be tasteful pictures, right, Mr. Klein?"nice personality
You're probably wondering why I'm naked, smiling, and covered in a bubbly goo. Well, Mom and Dad, let me assure you that is has nothing to do with Jeffy and a large quantity of Efferdent...Grmbrand Johnson
"After running away from home, Billy found his way through medical college and is today a happily married, world-famous neurosurgeon. He did not escape unscarred, however, and the trauma described in chapters 5 & 7 cause him to wash his entire body, not just his hands, before every operation." - Epilogue, Memoirs Thany
Now serving : number 55. Number 55, hand your slip to the receptionist and come on in, please.Thany
As Victoria Principal approached the door, she steeled herself for the sight of a nude Patrick Duffy. Little did she know that a last-minute re-write had cast a melon-headed freak of nature as the new Bobby Ewing, and already the pervert was getting an eyeful of Victoria in a nightie.The Master Zinja
Desperation and sorrow? I'm soaking in it!Jenn Dolari
Alright Spinn. I was willing to think that Keane would actually draw a cat stuck in a toilet. I went along with the clothes strewn about the hunched over Billy's room. But a naked little boy dripping some unknown substance has gone too far. Not Bil Keanes style at all. I'm on to you. Azazael
"Okay, DFCers, here's the contest: Guess who's in the shower with me and win a trip to Disneyworld! Here's your clues: This person has never been implicated for any homosexual tendecies, nor has he or she done any product endorsement work. More clues later!"phonsux
Back to the DFC Archive index