DFC #256

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Thel's heart lept as Jeffy appeared through the hole in the time/space continuum...but shattered when she realized he had only come to retrieve the vacuum cleaner, for whatever enigmatic purposes the Q had...Magua

"Bil isn't a cheapskate just because he won't buy you a power driven vacuum cleaner; it's because if you had one, you'd never get any exercise beyond pulling a rubber band tight with your teeth."phonsux

Wait a minute! Back in cartoon 253, you were right-handed! Now you're not only left-handed, but you're doing housework! Who are you and what have you done with my mother?Anastasia

"I gotta hand it to your polishing skills, Thel. That's the cleanest fucking vacuum I've ever seen." (10 extra credit points for spelling 'vacuum' correctly)Tillman

"Y'know, if you'd switch that thing to 'shag,' maybe I could get Baywatch instead."Marnen Laibow-Koser

"Thel, you know what it means when you start vacuuming a room diagonally -- it's time to lower the dosage again"Moorlock

"Ok, you sit here and comment on the Booger Bear Bunch's obvious deconstruction of the Orwellian anthropomorphic view of socialism, citing McLuhan and Derrida, fully annotating your work ... oh, fuck it. yuve got no pants bitch and im gay too"tv's Spatch

After Jules Fieffer quit the 'Voice', the only job available was "Bad Animated Cartoon Visualization Manager" on the Family CircusOpti

The vacuum cannae take th' strain much longer, Keptain!... Th' bag is overloadin' now! If you continue at this rate, I cannae be responsible fer th' safety of th' house!Doc Evil

...This is not my beautiful house...This is not my beautiful wife...Lee Harvey

Bodhisattva Jeffy achieves enlightenment while watching Hanna-Barbera reruns in a half-lotus position. He is able to pass on the gift to the vacuum cleaner, but, sadly, not to the dim-witted Thel.marty gray

Suddenly, it came to Jeffy. There could be no other. Judging by the incredible radiance emanating from the vacuum, it was most certainly the one true Appliance of the Covenant.Daniel Lanker

"The comlpete infeasability of this cartoon shocks me. How is it that the tree is bigger than the mountian it sits on, and I'm certain that in time did a bear and a lion ever meet outside of a controlled stting, and.....oh well, pull my finger."jedi mind trip

..next, Creation of Suburban Man, by Keane. As a mutant Adam reaches to his domestic, holy vacuum wielding, aloof Goddess, we see a choir of angels, represented by a television...marvelous!Paul "Old Testament" Reed

After the accident the Thel would leave "Stumpy" propped on a bean bag chair for hours while she went about household chores.anon

Jeffy wavered back and forth between two enchanting worlds...in one, animals talked and laughed and wore clothes and no ever really died or got hurt...In the other, his mom was a beautiful petite and thin woman with a clean house and was attentive to his every need...Then Dolly took the bag of glue away from him.Robo-rat

Spider-man's trapped inside your vaccum cleaner Mommy! Colin

Radiation poisoning, knee-piercing vacuum rays, my lower body becoming an inner tube, levitating TV, pull-my-finger, curtains AND blinds, vacuum cord coming out of your bum--geez, the Difficult Zone is taking over this whole circle.Kevin Bergeson

"huh huh huh...suck! huh huh huh..." porn monkey

"Those lines! Either you sucked up Jesus, or the vacuum's turned to gold!"Randall

No no, mommy! Although I cannot hear the dialogue, your vacuum doesn't stop subliminal messages. But me some quality Mattel products.Mighty Owl

"O vacuum, I command thee! Become a virile handsome horny rich straight well-adjusted cartoonist father...get ready, Thel...NOW!"Randall

Would you mind running outside and getting me a stick with nails through it. This cartoon just gave me a wonderful idea.Schmuck

Turn that thing off! How am I supposed to hear if Wally Bear successfully rapes Wanda Bear with the broken baseball bat?!?nonentity

Help! I'm hip deep in the La Brea carpet!Namgubed the Merry Elf

Fearing that his celebrity status has separated him from the common man, Jeffy tries an old 'pull my finger' gag to 'regain the trust of the people.'agm

The Family Circus Game: What is the most obvious visual anomoly? 1. The television is set into the wall 2. Jeffy's legs have morphed into one black mass of flesh 3. Thel's vacume has sharp wires flying out of it. Any pull my finger gags get extra points.Rimbaud

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