DFC #254

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Sherriff Jeffy Keene - Reason #27 why the Republic of Texas was doomed for failure from the start.bobo

That's nice, Dolly, but I said I needed a posse!NME

Cover art, It Took the Village People to Raise This Child, Bil Keane and Roy Washington, NAMBLA Press, 1997.anon

"I'm on the NYPD. Someone get me a plunger!"Gruber

Jeffy smiled. His deadly accuracy with the shuriken would end his classmate's taunting about his cowboy suit once and for all.anon

This, Kevin Sorbo, means that you can kiss my ass!Mighty Owl

To prove I'm still aware of popular fashions and trends, my badge reads "311". I'm fuckin' cool as a birchtree!Mr. Ben

"So, I--" We interrupt our regularly-scheduled DFC caption to bring you an urgent message for Bil Keane: Bil, Bil, Bil, you dolt! This is 1997! No kid plays cowboy anymore! Have Jeffy the Bump-head do something modern, such as doing crank or surfing the net for porn or ragging on Pauly Shore! Get with it, Bil!!! Thank you. We now return to our regularly-scheduled DFC caption, already in progress. "--my finger, Dolly!"Dave Matthews

'Scuse me ma'am, you were doin' 69 in an erogenous zone - Ah'm gonna have to tie you up.anon

"Know what this badge means Dolly? Eh? Do ya? It means there ain't no such THING as a restraining order."macb3th

"When Bil did that Mayberry/FC crossover, I rolled Barney Fife for this. Kicked his scrawny ass. What a dipshit."Randall

" Down wif my sellout / to the law side tribe / I be cappin' yo' ass / at the age of five " -- from the critically maligned album Five Shooter by Melon Ice, as reported in "Worst of the Worst, a Discography of Children's Gangsta Rap", 1st Edition, 1997.Vice Pope Doug

Needless to say, the Reagan Library chose another entry as the official portrait.Gen. Sedgwick

Right! "The Full Monty" it is, then, lads!Rotter

Look everyone! Unlike either of our parents, I got myself a day job.Anastasia

Because if I don't wear the badge and vest, I look like Howdy Doody in a Tom Mix hat, capeesh?Clarabell

"Did all of Bil's relatives die here at the Alamo? Don't I wish! If we'll move the tour along this way I'll show you the Thel branding room."Round Up Them Wagons, Hoss!

"Sheriff Jeffy" was quick to point out all of the symbolism in his new badge: In addition to "star" of the strip, each point represented a member of the Keane family revolving around the hub that was Jeffy.wombat

"Hey Bil, does this mean we're going to do some period work in the Old West where gambling, prostitution, boozing and murder were all facts of life? Why, we might just fit in!"wombat

Jeffy Keane models one of his favorite M.C. Escher hats.Ed Mondrian

"Good on you, pardner!"tv's Spatch

The sheriff of Melon Gulch pauses to adjust his badge before he makes his rounds oppressing folk and stealing their daughters.Skywise

Frantically, Lieutenant Commander Keane tapped his comm badge again, but it was useless. He was trapped on the holodeck, the safeties were off, and once again a relaxing western had transformed into a homoerotic nightmare.Mr. Moody

The newest DFC collectible pog, Homo on the Range... Tillman

"Jeffy the Kid", Billy the Kid's younger brother, didn't believe in guns. Instead, he would use the power of his "hypno hair" and "pull my finger gags" to send his enemies into the impossible zone where they would be trapped forever.Doofus

Why the getup? Well, I figure that it's only a matter of time before Hollywood starts making those good old-fashioned midget westerns again.S.

How The West Was LostLord G

Don't label me a star yet... I'm still trying to work out a mix of Hanson and Garth Brooks that the public won't be able to resist.ThreeGs

Now that Thel's knife fight with Dolly over the box of tissues had left them both dead, Jeffy--always the starstruck opportunist--saw a golden opportunity to make his big comeback.Kevin Bergeson

Hearken unto my words, O ye Scotsmen, grunge rockers, lumberjacks and golfers: The Plaid Clothing Empire shall rise again!Kevin Bergeson

"Yep, and when you turn it upside down, you become a cowboy from HELL!"Wyvern

See here? I work at Texaco so I'm allowed to use the N word around Dolly's new friend.Schmuck

I got this star at school. I was the only one who knew how to properly use a lasso on the teacher.Schmuck

Agent J. Keane, FBI's NAMBLA division.agm

Now that I'm a deputy, when can I start beating up 'spicious people?PD Lathe

This is the cartoon that finally triggered the other Keane children to start the new Usenet newsgroup alt.jeffy.die.die.dieRatman

I'm the star! I'M THE STAR!! ME!! STAR!! ME!!!Namgubed the Merry Elf

I stole this hat off a jack-o-lantern. Fits perfect!7 Years in Babette

You should have seen Bil run around hiding stuff when he saw this badge! He almost shit a brick!Joe Z

Before you, the last two-thirds of The Good, the Bad And the Ugly.phil

I'm trying for a gig on Walker, Texas Ranger. My angle is that I can make Chuck Norris look tall.phil

"...an' just so nobody forgets who this strip REALLY revolves around..."Podbeing

The town stood in wonder as we watched our new sherrif ride into town ... then we started placing bets how long it'd be before he was just a smudge on the saloon floor.Riff

So who needs pants? I'm Sheriff Woody, remember?Riff

He's back, resurrected from the ashes of cartoon no. 66. And he wants his banana and spurs back. Jeffy Keane stars in The Dysfunctional Cowboy II: The Wrath of Bil, coming to an impossible zone near you soon.agm

"The sheriff's a melonhead?" -- Dysfunctional Saddles now available from Warner Home VideoSchmo

Deputy Roy says I'm just like cheap toilet paper -- rough an' tough an' don't take shit offa nobody!Schmo

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