Now use the dark powers in the bear to steal their souls! We must obey our master, Bealzibub!the wonder cheese
Ok, now growl really loud. With the amount of whiskey they downed this evening...I'm positive we can get at least one of them to wet their sheets. Tazabby
That's right Jeffy, if you hold your bear like that, it will counter-balance the weight of your head and you'll remain upright!Yakko
Gee, "Uncle" Roy looks kinda cute in that "Thel" wig.Tazabby
Your bear is well hung, but Thel prefers things that move on their own, like the mailman or even Daddy.anon
Looks like somebody learned to draw wood grain at yesterday's community college art class.Big-Poppa
Hey wow! It is true what they say about black bears!Rusty Russell
Yeah I know...if my bear was real I'd want it to maul them too.MechaGumby
You suffocate Daddy with the big one, I'll choke the life out of Thel with mine!! Those Menedezes were junior league!!munkihed
Sacrificing your Teddy Bear won't stop daddy from "visiting" you at night!Peter Lawford
No, that's Mom. If it was Uncle Roy, there'd be more action under the sheets.anon
See? Spooning is when the heads are next to each other...What you're doing is called a "rim job".Dave the Fave
If you really want to scare them, yell, "POLICE! SEARCH WARRANT!"anon
It was nice of the morgue to lay them out together. We don't have to spend as much of the inheritance for sheets.anon
They can't hear you PJ; I told you, they're dead.... Tonight we sleep: tomorrow we grab a cup o' joe and follow the plan... two milk-carton kids take our place in the beds and then we torch the place. The cash is already wired to Freeport and we're booked on a Liberian freighter to freedom!orlando
It's not working; they're not reacting at all. Maybe an exorcism requires an actual crucifix, rather than a teddy bear with outstretched arms.New HTML user
Come to think of it, I wouldn't kiss your saliva-covered bear EITHER.Blaine C
Don't worry, you can tell them about accidentally microwaving P.J. in the morning.Pirate
Look at those hips, look at those saggy tits. Jeez Jeffy you look just like grandma!Yakko
See, Jeffy! I told you if you rub your face against it just right it feels just like Mommy's "special area."Evil Ed
No Jeffy, oral sex is done facing each other. Weren't you paying attention?anon
There's no way you're gonna close enough to verify it without waking her. Just take my word for it; during the birthing process the opening expands to pass an infant about the size of your bear.jerright
You're wasting your time... they only do it with *live* animals!orlando
Err no, you won't get blown up. The charge is..uhhh..shaped!YEAH! That's it! Shaped! So, you won't be hurt. Now stand still while I go outside and push the plunger.zazu
... what about the time he snuck behind you and put the banana in your holster right when the DFC had you in it's cross hairs, huh? So stop acting like a little pussy and light the goddamn fuse. It's pay back time!zazu
You can sacrifice ALL your stuffed animals to her if you want, but she's STILL gonna bite off your wee-wee unless you kill Daddy.BuzzCut
She woulda kissed your bear g'night, too, 'cept she doesn't love you.Roy
Check out the perspective line on the mattress, and then tell me Daddy's not levitating in his sleep again.The Lawyer
Good practice run. Now let's go and replace Teddy with the chain saw and do this again.Anastasia
My goodness Jeffy, you really ARE hung. Too bad all those DFCers can't see it!Anastasia
Yeah, they just kinda passed out there after smoking all your stash. So I just covered them up and left them there. Look on the bright side! You get to sleep in their room tonight, where Dad keeps his porno stash! Turn about IS fair play after all.Anastasia
Three baby aspirin and a half cap of Nyquil an' he thinks he's a teddy bear! What a fuckin' lightweight!Vice Pope Doug
Sorry Jeffy -- you're up next, and I don't think you can convince them that "Teddy" is an acceptable substitute!Vice Pope Doug
*Sigh* Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could have beds, pillows and blankets of our own? Oh well, we'd better get back under the kitchen table before they wake up and tan our hides. Tazabby
I know this gag has been done to death...but I'm REALLY feeling melon-headed tonight. Tazabby
Jeffy no! Don't put him up there, he'll stick to the sheets fer sure!kafka
Forget about what they're doing up there, check out all the "strap-on" captions building up down here!Greg J
That novelty urinating teddy bear gag never gets old, I tell ya!Greg J
Are you sure you'll be able to explain to them how you got that teddy bear glued to your face?Magus
It was truly a tragedy when Bil was severely mauled by a bear. However, while the physical wounds healed, the resulting phobia of bears was an endless source of entertainment in the Keane family.Greg J
Nevermind what they're doing. See how many NINAs you can find in the bed's wood paneling.a. hirschfield
Isn't that cute, Jeffy... they're spooning. Which means we probably just missed the forking! Ha! Get it?! Spoon... fork... ahhhh, you're so stupid.ferret
"You don't want to get in there. Dad's colostomy bag opened up again."Mr. Clean
Yeah, you're right-- that would look better on her head than that doofus 'do of hers.Horselover Fat
Honest, they're done for the night, and I'm sure Mr. Teddy has seen enough to know what to do to Mrs. Teddy.Stefan Jones
Back to the DFC Archive index