Year after year we would get so excited by all our new toys, only to have them erased the next day...Dolly's MemiorsBlake
"Boy, that Santa at the mall sure musta 'preciated what I did for him!"Blake
I'd like to thank God for all of this wonderful stuff. Let's sacrifice Billy!CHEEZO
I live next door, why?Myke
Holy shit! That clown's alive! And he's driving his car straight towards me. Someone stop him...Ahhhhhhh!Tazabby
Whoa, Dad and "Uncle" Roy are under the mistletoe. Look at them go!Tazabby
Hey Dad, isn't it funny how at Christmas there isn't room to fit a dime into this scene, but normally you can't even draw a fuckin' doily into the background!anon
Wow... Uncle Vasquez from Columbia really came through for us this year... So what the fuck did YOU get us?Orion the Hunter
Hey, a death ray! Thanks! Oh, and here's a list of names and addresses of people who post "NAMBLA slut" jokes about me on DFC! Vengeance is MINE!Kurt L.
And Santa even brought me what I really wanted--a day without DFC captions! What? You're kidding! Oh, fuck!The Outsider
I know I warned Dad not to take the brown acid, but I must say that this is shaping up to be the best summer break yet!Greg J
"NO, I'm not gonna say `God bless us, every one', and if you don't turn that camcorder the fuck off right fuckin' now, you're gettin' a Sony® enema. Got that?"zed-iculous
What would Doctor Freud make of this picture? Dolly's all bent over, I'm sporting a hard-on, and Billy looks like he's mounting that telescope. Dad seems to have a lot of unresolved issues...El Vez
All this stuff is great, Mom, but how come Santa didn't bring me that pretty pink tutu like I asked him for?El Vez
Wow! That shrinking ray you got for Billy really works! Look what it did to PJ!El Vez
How much blood did you have to sell to get all this stuff?Anastasia
It's amazing to me that we get all this shit every year, just 'cause the Romans nailed some whack-job to a tree!!Vice Pope Doug
Materialism ROCKS!!!Vice Pope Doug
Hey Bil! This looks like that MECHANISM for going to captions since last update I've been waiting for!!!DrDave
Dolly and Jeffy pretended to not notice as their mildly retarded older brother Billy, in the early days of his puberty, fucked his new telescope.Hugh Jass
Personally, I think Billy's deluding himself. Everyone knows those enlargers don't really work.MechaGumby
Well, Mom and Dad, this is quite satisfactory. As per our agreement, we will relinquish the letter we composed for the Child Welfare Department. It's been a pleasure doing business with you.MechaGumby
Man, I sure got born into the right religion!MechaGumby
"Could all this have anything to do with that "bank inspector" scam I heard about on the radio last week?"Jo Anne
Wow, the Hendersons sure got a lot this Christmas, we may have to take more than one trip to get this all in the car.Lyzza
Does this excess of toys on Christmas morning supposed to make up for a year of neglect?Zebra
Sell out, shmell out! I love product endorsements!zazu
Wow, look at all this stuff! Was the fleet in early this year, mom?zazu
I tell, ya we could hawk more stuff if you just made the circle bigger!zazu
Billy kept a tight lipped smile on his face as he examined the lead pipe, crusted blood staining the upper half. His parents knew, they knew about the Gambino hit! Now they would have to die as well. Christmas never again held any joy for young Billy "Melon Head" Keane.Traffic Man
Ok, nobody move-Dolly dropped her crack pipe again!zazu
I guess the old man ain't so bad when he's not blowing our money on crack and gay bath houses! zazu
This'll do for this year, but next year we talk percentages, got it old man?zazu
First, you travel for work so often that all the kids consider this the party house. Then, you feel so guilty about neglecting us that you buy us the whole freakin' toy store for Christmas. Frankly, I can't think of a downside to this arrangement.Diggit
Hey, Santa! We're paganists, you dumbass!! HA, HA! Thanks anyway!Kurt L.
Since they don't know exactly what day Jesus was born, I think we should do this every day, just to be safe.Kurt L.
I think he's dead, mom. Now go get us more presents, before Billy "telescopes" you too!Kurt L.
You said it was 10 minutes from the burglar alarm 'til the cops arrive?Dofang
I'm SO glad Grandpa croaked and left us all that money! This is the best Christmas EVER!!Vice Pope Doug
Wow! This'll look great buried underneath a pile of dusty old shoes in the back corner of my closet.jerright
Cool! James Dean's death car! Thanks, Dad!Rotter
A remote-controlled car! Yes!!! Man, if one of these boxes is those cherry bombs I asked Santa for, we're going to need a new dog by New Year's!Rotter
I guess now it's safe to tell you it was me who smashed the picture window. And broke Susie Derkins' arm. And left the top up on the Miata during that storm. And put Grandpa's ashes on top of Grandma's half-opened door...Horselover Fat
Does this mean that Santa didn't know I lit all those cats on fire?Ethelred
"...a dildo for Dolly,
a crack pipe for Bil,
some meth' for Jeffy
and for Thel a beer,
Chorus: When Christmas Day is Here! It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!..kafka
Hey, mom, look, I found your shattered dreams!Don Spudleone
Not bad. But remember I still have the negatives.anon
Take the damn picture already! I can only hold this happy & surprised for so long.Roxanne LeReaux
Dolly's trying to french kiss that doll. How much more proof do you guys need that she's a bull dyke?Tazabby
After we picked off the reindeer, Santa didn't have much choice. The best part is he really did quiver like a bowl full of jelly when I put the AK-47 to his head.DMW
I love this car, Daddy! By the way, I still won't love you, no matter how many expensive gifts you get me. This is a great car, though.Ed the Fed
This is as cheap and useless as you, Mommy!Beavis
Can we go taunt the Horowitz kids now? anon
Back to the DFC Archive index