Rather than sell us off for scientific experiments, we think you should get off your lazy white ass and get a job.anon
"Look! We trained PJ to shit his pants on command!"Paul T. Riddell
"Remember how you told us to get abducted by aliens? Well, we're back, and they're better at rectal probes than you are."Paul T. Riddell
Mom said to bring you the classified ads.Rishmawy
Hey, dad, guess what? Your little incident at the nudie bar last night made the police briefs!anon
"Hey Dad! PJ's doing that Snoopy dance again! I guess this proves Mom's porkin' Charlie Schulz!anon
Hey, Dad, today's Marmaduke is even less funny than we are!Thomas Jenkins
"Mommy sent us to keep you busy while she and the TV repair man had lemonade."anon
"Good news, Daddy! Now we've all been kicked out of the house!"anon
Uh, Dad? There's a cartoon in here that looks just like us, except the captions aren't funny.Teo
Your hometown newspaper has dropped your strip! You gonna give us our five bucks, or you wanna go double-or-nothing on that paper your brother edits?Andy Ihnatko
Who'd have guessed that my strip would become more successful than yours, huh? Now get the hell offa that and mow my goddamn lawn before I have Jeffy and Dolly beat the crap out of you again.Andy Ihnatko
That's it Dad, we are demanding a trade to another cartoon strip, cause we're sick of these people on the net making sexual innuendos about us.Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar
Says here, the Feds still think you're holed up in the Carribean. So where's the loot?J. Edgar Hoover
You know, Dad, the perspective in this cartoon is so bad that by my measurement that hammock is about five feet off the ground.Amber Dowlin
Hey, I never drew any of these cartoons! Are you sure those weren't from the times you got wasted on tequila?anon
Guess what, Dad! They voted your comic strip the most inexplicably successful of all time!"anon
Boy, that Ziggy is an even big loser than you are, Pop!zazu
Look at the For Better or Worse kids -- they age, they're built like human beings, gravity applies to *all* of them...Paul Roub
We're defecting to "Rose is Rose" 'cuz Rose promised to felch us all!anon
"Guess what Dad? We got 5 bucks!!! While you were asleep, we sold all your artist stuff."Grandpa Keane
"See the big booger we collected? It took us three years of saving, but we're going to be on TV with it!"Paul T. Riddell
Lenin says that you are an idler and must be re-educated! The workers press does not lie!pravda
According to Miss Manners, it's not polite to call Mommy an ignorant bitch and storm outta the house.jk
"Mom says you can take today's strip and shove it up your ass."anon
Daddy, please don't be mad, but we cut your cartoon out of the paper, added our own weird captions, and uploaded it to the Web!VPD
Hey Dad! remember when I told you I wanted that new toy or else I'd submit that stuff we wrote in last week? Well guess which gag they had the balls to print?"Horney Lil Bastard
"We just wanted to tell you that we really admire that fetching curve your fat ass makes in that hammock!"Cybernettr
That mommy you found in the personal ads is at the front door.Chris P.
"Don't look at me like that. You've seen my penis before."Paul T. Riddell
Hey you! Yeah, YOU, fat-ass! Paper here says our allowance should be WAY higher! We want back-wages, so throw down the wallet, white slave-master, or we kick your ass and TAKE it!Doc
Our real dad's here. You can leave now.sunflower
We're calling the Child Abuse Hotline again, unless we play horsey... NOW!Bob Tackett
Huh?! We followed the scent of what smelled like a wild boar, and it ends right in front of the hammock you're sitting on!Magus
"All we had to do to get our names in the paper was put some naked pictures of ourselves on the Internet!"panicboy
Dad, today marks your 1,000th consecutive strip without a single new idea. Congratulations!Pete B.
Hey Daddy, look! We've finally paper-trained PJ.Kyosuke
We let the dog drop a few logs in the hammock yesterday! Have you noticed yet?Kittycat
Big news, Dad.....they've isolated the gene for Mis-shapen Head Syndrome. And in our lifetime!!anon
"The neighbors just called. They want you to put your pants back on."anon
"Y'know, Dad, this new arboretum is nice and all, but we kinda liked it back when our bedroom didn't have grass."anon
We want a transfer to The Far Side. Do you know where we can get a cow?Moondog
DAD LOOK!! It says, "Nerdy cartoonist of a family strip with a wife and 4 kids seeks man to punish me when I can't come up with a funny cartoon." You two should get together!!!Nick
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