DFC #69

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

...and Xena Chopped their heads of with her Chakrum. The end.Talkingsock

Normally, Billy would be paying attention to his sister. But something happened. Everybody has a breaking point. Maybe it was the fact that his sister kept taking his book. Maybe it was the fact that her hair never changed. Whatever the reason, the dam had broke. Yes, the Angel of Death was born and had found his first victim.The Better Aggie

...and O.J. looked and looked, but he couldn't find the real killers anywhere in the kingdom.RBByrnes

It's about a little girl with a football-shaped head who winds up marrying a handsome prince anyway.anon

Billy was stunned. His sister's hair was tied so tight that she could not close her mouth...Cuddles the Killer Bunny

And Bill and Hillary didn't make any money from Whitewater and they went to Washington and lived happily everafter.The Most Rev.Oley

Yeah, I know it's bullshit. But now that Mommy's hiding her Valiums again, it's the only form of escape I have from this fucking life.Bob Schmalfeldt

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who melted his sisters Barbie Doll. She killed him. The End.Karen Anderson

Billy carefully aimed his cranial spout at his sister's waiting open mouth. As he prepared to eject his pineal gland, she opened a book to catch any splatters...The Sandman

"Look! It's my favorite: Goldylocks and the Three Cops Who Busted Her for Illegally Entering Their house and Using All Their Stuff Without Permission!"Matt Karp

It's the latest report from "The Tobacco Institute".Rishmawy

Here's a fairy tale. It's called "The Little Boy Who's Gettin' Some from His Sister."Don Spudleone

"Fairy Tales"? JUST "Fairy Tales"? Who the hell's on product placement detail this week?Capt. phealy

Reading?? No, no -- I just smoked a mega-bowl, and I'm tripping on the illustrations. Check out the _castle_, Billy! Whoaa .....!Vice Pope Doug

The "Rock Hudson" chapter was boring, but the "Liberace" and "Robert Reed" chapters were captivating.DrDave

"Yes, Billy, I see that you can see the Big Bad Wolf's thing. Now will you please move your goddamn hand so I can turn the page?"zede

Well, I think if a giant, sentient egg sits on a friggin' wall like that, he deserves to die!anon

This one's called "Goldilocks And The Three Bullet Theory".zazu

I don't care what this book says. Size does matter!zazu

Rapunzel? Ha! It's about San Francisco in the Mid-70's!Nethicus

Wow, those hormones are really working. What are you uo to now, a B cup?Jadie

Those Gumby lessons seem to be paying off. Your arm has passed thru the page and into this story book Now let's see if you can get the rest of your body to follow.paTRICK heSTER

Billy's remarkable talents as a human bookmark were soon utilized by the entire family.Michigan J. Frog

What I wouldn't give to live in the forest with seven dwarves for a while ......Vice Pope Doug

I see what you mean. Little Miss Muffet was a goosey bitch.The Lawyer

No, they are NOT that kind of fairy tales. Clean up your mind.anon

It says here that Daddy won the Pulitzer Prize for cartooning.The Lawyer

...and get this! At the end, the hunter kills the fox, cuts him open, and pulls the grandmother out alive! Damn, this could be one HELL of a summer movie!Kurt L.

I wonder what Snow White did to make the dwarves whistle so much.DMW

Figure 1: "The Malpractice Guide": This young victim exhibits an extra-rotational paralysis of the neck, due to an improper fusing of the N4 & N5 vertebrae. Boy, that's GOTTA hurt!Al Sue

"I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't go into the woods with Mom and Dad to gather firewood after all."Blake

Look, Billy, just because we're plummetting to our deaths doesn't mean I can't get some reading done.Riff

I dunno, I enjoy the visceral impact of bodily mutilations in the Brothers Grimm "Cinderella", but there's a lot to be said for brevity, too...Capt. phealy

Methinks Cinderella's prince had a foot fetish.Riff

I think I've figured out why Grandma calls you "Hansel", chunky-boy.Paul Roub

I figured I'd better read "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" again before Disney completely ruins it.Riff

I bet if Aladdin had wished for a whole shitload of crack, he'd've made a fortune!Riff

So the wolf made a deal with a shady character on the San Fransisco waterfront and Little Red Ridinghood was sold into a life of white sex slavery in Bangkok. The endToadsie wan Kenoadsie

Like so many of my own, Alice's adventures began with a bottle that said "Drink Me".Riff

Socio-political commentary my ass! She breaks into the house, destroys things and escapes "a wiser girl"? Sounds like a damned John Hughes film!anon

Be honest. Did the original author intend for "Humpty Dumpty" to be an anal sex reference?anon

Okay, my sweet but illiterate big brother, it's like this: $5 per story; $10 if you want historical references and context. No bulk discounts, and we work under my schedule.anon

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