DFC #476

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Pssst, Dolly! You do know they sacrifice the flower girl after the ceremony, right?"spun

"Geez! I forgot my bag of dog poop!"Sarco Fuggus

Damn, thought Billy, squeezing himself. Dolly looks fine as hell in white.Sarco Fuggus

"But if I go for the garter now, I won't have any competition!"Riff

Everyone agreed it was a lovely ceremony... and the couple saved quite a bit of money on the flower budget by going with sorghum.Vinegar Tom

Oh, dear... has menarche ever chosen a more inopportune time?Gen. Sedgwick

"Dammit! Dolly's bouquet is spewing Japanese oak beetles! If we don't contain them, the forests of this whole damn continent are done for!" "Indeed, Jeffy, Indeed." Excerpt from The Keane Boys: Eco-DetectivesShifter

Aisle be damned!rudy

"Aw, I missed. Run to the bathroom and get me another roll of wet toilet paper."El Caballero

"Man, Dad looks great in organdy!"Stan Xhiao

"All you Catholics suck, you hear me?"Stan Xhiao

"You're fuckin' A right I know a reason why these two should not be brought together in holy matrimony! Look at 'em! She's an anorexic giraffe-necked Barbie Doll. He's a dorky looking white-bread doofus. The last time a marriage like that went down, they bred and produced us! I mean Christ, look at me! I'm a bacon-headed little chimp who doesn't clear the ledge of the pew. How tall does that make me? A foot and a half? And don't get me started about Miss Perpetual Ponytail and Crackpipe Head behind me..." The attendees of the wedding had to admit that he had a point...-Jester

"I snuck a blotter into the wine... now Reverend Bailey's tryin' to help Jesus down from the cross."Sean Q (auto-salvage)

"Lookit Father O'Malley eyein' the new altar boy... we better get the hose ready."Sean Q

It looks like the bride isn't the only one coming.Les Miserables

So when do we get to de-flower her?NME--

"Hey! Beer! Man!"Flan!

"Great view from here, Billy...check out the package on Jesus!"Stan Xhiao

"Yessir, Mister Billy, a bourbon and branch water, right away, sir."Stan Xhiao

Shit, this is one of those preachy-ass Christian weddings. I like the Wiccan ones where they just offer a human sacrifice and fuck.Judgement Night

Those are fake!Coalcracker

Mom, put down the Dirt-Devil...for God's sake, put it down!Les Miserables

I saw the way Father Flanagan was smiling at the ring bearer, and my heart sank. So this is how it would end, humiliated in front of the entire congregation. "Crying in the Chapel" by Jeffy KeaneLt. Dan

Yo! Organ Lady! There's an open bar to get to! Let's pick up the tempo!Jeddie Bear

Hey, I had cash flow problems, I'll get the rings back after the first of the month. Can't I still march, too?anuSanus

There's a ringboy who won't make fun of Dolly in a dress again. Or anything else.Horselover Fat

"Six months -- do I hear five? Six months going once, six months going twice..."Heath

[sniff] What crazy, heartless bitch would insist on a ragweed and goldenrod motif?Gen. Sedgwick

It's terrible to trick Dolly like this, but how else could we set up an intervention?megafrim

"Always a bridesmaid, never a...who am I kidding, I'm over 30 and trapped in the body of a seven year old. Not even Larry King would marry me."Mr Bunch (auto-salvage)

"Too . . much . . .scotch . .before . . .wedding . . . must . . find. . . place . . . to . . . HMGRLFFFFFFF!" Dolly's flower basket was the first, though certainly not the last, victim of a Keane vomiting that night.Hang Lose

Edvard Munch's The Interruption.K-Man

"Can you believe this shit? Somebody hung a dead Jew behind the altar!"Paul T. Riddell

"I've seen enough. I'm callin' in an airstrike!"anon

"Cover me. I'm goin' for the weed in Dolly's basket."anon

"Can I just voice my objection to this union now? Happy hour at Hooters ends at seven!"Torc.

"Dolly in pink chiffon? Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocalypse?"Helder

"And Dolly is wearing a flouncy bone-white crinoline skirt, a pair of sassy sling-backs, and a 'knuckle-head' barrette with ribbon trim, all from the 'Collection, By Cathy.' Orders can be taken after the show."Stan Xhiao

"Billy, you better calm down and put that thing away. I know Dolly doesn't mind getting it in the eye once in a while, but I'll kick your ass."Doihle

"There goes the groom. I guess he did recognize Dolly."Helder

"Hey, padre! Don't bogart all the wine."Helder

Suddenly, it dawned on Jeffy: This was the same wedding he attended the day before, and the day before that. He would relive this hellish event every single day of his life, and every one of these days would end the same horrific way -- with him being crushed under the enormous sweaty ass of Gramma Carne during a limbo accident at the reception.scoob

"The bridesmaids' dresses are clashing with the floral arrangements! This looks like a job for ... Jeffy!"Helder

Programs! Getcha weddin' programs right here! Bride statistics, groom information, all right here! Programs! Getcha weddin' programs ovah here!Mr. Ben McClellan

o/` Who's the short, flower chick that's a sex machine to all the hicks? Dolly. Damn right. o/`K-Man (salvaging Chaplin Perilous)

"That's all the Commandments they have? Well, maybe I can break a few Beatitudes during the reception."Helder

"Mauve??!?!"Snibor Eoj

"Dolly, listen to reason. You've been standing there for over seven hours, and you're holding up someone else's wedding. Face the facts--Calvin left you at the altar again."Schol-R-LEA

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