DFC #47

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

I've been shootin' marbles with Mom's "benwa-balls" so I guess she's gonna' be pissed off.Rev.Oley

Nothin' like a good conjugal visit to put a smile on your face!zazu

...and as I held his still beating heart in my hand, I kissed it once, closing the ceremony and granting us our levitation powers for the next six months.Nethicus

No, really, Jeffy. We wait 'til they're asleep and hit them with the thirty-ought six and we'll never have to be heartwarming again.Larissa Smith

Say, are those Bugle Boy jeans you're groping yourself in?Greg J

I'm going to kill you tommorow. No, really, ask anybody.anon

Hah, Hah. Real Funny. Now I'm gonna cover the front of YOUR pants with bird shit.anon

Jeffy's black magic had turned Dolly to granite, leaving only the difficult decision of what hammer to use to demolish her.anon

Well, Jeffy. You've pissed our biosphere about 1/3 full already, why don't you just go ahead and finish us off?anon

Look...I'm trying to be nice about this. Just because I let Daddy call me a "two-bit whore" does not mean that you can!RBByrnes

Y'know, Jeffy, it's so erotic when you touch yourself like th.... 'scuse me, this new deodorant makes me itch like hell.Paul Roub

And then the paramedics pulled me out of the combine harvester. I lost a lot of blood, and my right hand remains freakishly mangled, but here I am! zed

Yeah, we all got that beer gut after the first few years of the comic. We call it the "Keane Fifteen".zed

Okay, what the hell. You're my brother, after all. You deserve a break. Twenty bucks for the blowjob.The Lawyer

Let's trade for a while, Elaine. You be the femme and I'll be the butch.His Imperial Majesty

...And as Dolly droned on about compound interest and the merits of mutual funds, Jeffy entertained himself with a discrete game of pocket pool.JayRod the damaja

...an' for the bargain price of $20 a hit, you can feel this way ALL THE TIME...Kurt L.

Now slouch a little more, and poof your tummy out again.. There - you look JUST like Daddy now!anon

... but because of the small sample size, the relative effects of the two different RHE dose levels in the test group CAN'T be determined! But do Mommy & Daddy understand? Noooooo..patrik

...so Ziggy was telling me about how Peppermint Patty had to have an ABORTION! And what do you suppose came out? A whole litter! Naturally Charlie is the last to know.Rambozo

Excuse me sir, would you care to take a free personality test?Boschcat of the Apocalypse

Yup, nothing spells comfort like Pampers. Boschcat of the Apocalypse

My left arm fell off over an hour ago and check this out: Keane put drew my left hand on my right arm. What a wingnut!Boschcat of the Apocalypse

You're incredible. I thought 'peeled the paint off the wall' was just an expression.Boschcat of the Apocalypse

...That's EXACTLY what I mean... The existence of a paranormal malady in a vacuum is impossible unless a small trace of argon gas is introduced. Now all I have to do is to prove it. Rishmawy

And then the baby duck said-- oh, wait. We're in a DFC caption. Fuck! Shit! Piss! Titties! Titties! Anyway, like I was saying...Mr. Groovy

So then I said to her, "No mom, you kiss MY ass."TRAV

I don't care what anybody says about Mommy and the mailman. Between that half crocked sloppy drunk look on your face, the beer belly and the perpetual game of pocket pool, I just KNOW Keane's your real father!paTRICK heSTER

You can't fool us Commandant! It's nice warm fully drawn clothes until the Geneva Convention inspector is gone, then it's back to the same old stick figure wardrobe.paTRICK heSTER

Look at the size of the kidney stones dad passed this morning.The Unmasked Revenger

I know that you think that it's a wonderful use of contrasting reference points against a minimalistic nagative-space backdrop, but I agree with the DFC gang, Bil can't draw for shit.The Unmasked Revenger

Yeah, yeah, I know. Pull my finger.zazu

I let people see my two thumbs on one hand. You don't have to keep your hands in your pockets. Just remember, Jeffy, "Thalidomide Pride!" What? Me, worry? yes....

Despite Dolly's endless Jack Benny impersonation, Jeffy was able to stimulate an erection quite easily.Capt. phealy

It's just context, really. If the humor relies on a childish mispronunciation, it's regular Family Circus. but if you're, say, staring at my breasts and fondling yourself, it's Dysfunctional Family Circus.Roy

Goddamn, Jeffy, you're as stoned as I am!ik

So Cleopatra says "Not now, I'm on my pyramid"Rishmawy

This position is best, because then you don't have to think about the balls-it's just automatic, see?Chapstick

Standing like THAT in DFC territory? You really don't have ANY self-esteem, DO you?Bill Fortier

So, if I hold up these two marbles, how long do you think it'll take before "ripping somebody's nuts off"-type captions get put on the impossible list?The Unmasked Revenger

As his sister prattled on about her Elvis-UFO-JFK conspiracy theories, Jeffy took comfort in the knowledge that her room would be his once the family had her committed.DMW

...and then Jenny said -- dammit, Jeffy, is it too much to ask for you to keep your hands off your dick while I'm talking to you?anon

It's just that kind of smug smirk that makes Mommy and Daddy smack you around.Ace of Nines

"That last Thai stick was laced with somethin, dude.. Did you ever look at your fingers? I mean, like, really look at them?"Mister Sinister

So then I told Daddy, "At least you've never just drawn _one_ line and called it a background." See? He isn't all that bad.The Outsider

No, your case is called a false pregnancy.anon

Billy knew Dolly was back on the pills when she began eating the invisible ice cream again.The Sandman

So what's the deal with your penile implants? Let's see it!anon

The Doctor said that I have to hold my hand like this in case my eyes fall out.David Healy

You're not lookin' at me while I'm talkin' to ya' Jeffy. Have you been eating those paint chips again?Riff

So you see, Mistahh Bond, if you take your hands out of your pants, the motion detectors placed carefully on your manhood will cause the bomb to detonate, leaving the whole world NAKED! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.insane

First no nostrils, then no nipples, now no foreheads! I wish he'd get off that binge already.insane

Boy...thats what you call KIND weed!insane

"...so I figure Mom's been filling the Ding-Dongs with Thorazine. I'd do something about it, but I'm just too mellow to care right now."Paul T. Riddell

"Ya know, Mom's gonna be really pissed when she sees all her valium is gone, but right now I just don't give a damn."Blake

Y'know, I'm not so sure you should be bragging about how often you made the stupid list; most people don't consider that something to be proud of. But maybe I'm wrong...Greg J

...so Jean's older sister's friend's cousin's brother's girlfriend went in the bathroom and locked the door and turned off all the lights and closed the curtains and looked in the mirror and she saw the devil looking back at her and she screamed and tried to get out, but she slipped and fell and hit her head on the sink and by the time they got the door open, she had bled to death. So are you sure you wanna try it Jeffy?Spooge

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