I've been shootin' marbles with Mom's "benwa-balls" so I guess she's gonna' be pissed off.Rev.Oley
Nothin' like a good conjugal visit to put a smile on your face!zazu
...and as I held his still beating heart in my hand, I kissed it once, closing the ceremony and granting us our levitation powers for the next six months.Nethicus
No, really, Jeffy. We wait 'til they're asleep and hit them with the thirty-ought six and we'll never have to be heartwarming again.Larissa Smith
Say, are those Bugle Boy jeans you're groping yourself in?Greg J
I'm going to kill you tommorow. No, really, ask anybody.anon
Hah, Hah. Real Funny. Now I'm gonna cover the front of YOUR pants with bird shit.anon
Jeffy's black magic had turned Dolly to granite, leaving only the difficult decision of what hammer to use to demolish her.anon
Well, Jeffy. You've pissed our biosphere about 1/3 full already, why don't you just go ahead and finish us off?anon
Look...I'm trying to be nice about this. Just because I let Daddy call me a "two-bit whore" does not mean that you can!RBByrnes
Y'know, Jeffy, it's so erotic when you touch yourself like th.... 'scuse me, this new deodorant makes me itch like hell.Paul Roub
And then the paramedics pulled me out of the combine harvester. I lost a lot of blood, and my right hand remains freakishly mangled, but here I am! zed
Yeah, we all got that beer gut after the first few years of the comic. We call it the "Keane Fifteen".zed
Okay, what the hell. You're my brother, after all. You deserve a break. Twenty bucks for the blowjob.The Lawyer
Let's trade for a while, Elaine. You be the femme and I'll be the butch.His Imperial Majesty
...And as Dolly droned on about compound interest and the merits of mutual funds, Jeffy entertained himself with a discrete game of pocket pool.JayRod the damaja
...an' for the bargain price of $20 a hit, you can feel this way ALL THE TIME...Kurt L.
Now slouch a little more, and poof your tummy out again.. There - you look JUST like Daddy now!anon
... but because of the small sample size, the relative effects of the two different RHE dose levels in the test group CAN'T be determined! But do Mommy & Daddy understand? Noooooo..patrik
...so Ziggy was telling me about how Peppermint Patty had to have an ABORTION! And what do you suppose came out? A whole litter! Naturally Charlie is the last to know.Rambozo
Excuse me sir, would you care to take a free personality test?Boschcat of the Apocalypse
Yup, nothing spells comfort like Pampers. Boschcat of the Apocalypse
My left arm fell off over an hour ago and check this out: Keane put drew my left hand on my right arm. What a wingnut!Boschcat of the Apocalypse
You're incredible. I thought 'peeled the paint off the wall' was just an expression.Boschcat of the Apocalypse
...That's EXACTLY what I mean... The existence of a paranormal malady in a vacuum is impossible unless a small trace of argon gas is introduced. Now all I have to do is to prove it. Rishmawy
And then the baby duck said-- oh, wait. We're in a DFC caption. Fuck! Shit! Piss! Titties! Titties! Anyway, like I was saying...Mr. Groovy
So then I said to her, "No mom, you kiss MY ass."TRAV
I don't care what anybody says about Mommy and the mailman. Between that half crocked sloppy drunk look on your face, the beer belly and the perpetual game of pocket pool, I just KNOW Keane's your real father!paTRICK heSTER
You can't fool us Commandant! It's nice warm fully drawn clothes until the Geneva Convention inspector is gone, then it's back to the same old stick figure wardrobe.paTRICK heSTER
Look at the size of the kidney stones dad passed this morning.The Unmasked Revenger
I know that you think that it's a wonderful use of contrasting reference points against a minimalistic nagative-space backdrop, but I agree with the DFC gang, Bil can't draw for shit.The Unmasked Revenger
Yeah, yeah, I know. Pull my finger.zazu
I let people see my two thumbs on one hand. You don't have to keep your hands in your pockets. Just remember, Jeffy, "Thalidomide Pride!" What? Me, worry? yes....
Despite Dolly's endless Jack Benny impersonation, Jeffy was able to stimulate an erection quite easily.Capt. phealy
It's just context, really. If the humor relies on a childish mispronunciation, it's regular Family Circus. but if you're, say, staring at my breasts and fondling yourself, it's Dysfunctional Family Circus.Roy
Goddamn, Jeffy, you're as stoned as I am!ik
So Cleopatra says "Not now, I'm on my pyramid"Rishmawy
This position is best, because then you don't have to think about the balls-it's just automatic, see?Chapstick
Standing like THAT in DFC territory? You really don't have ANY self-esteem, DO you?Bill Fortier
So, if I hold up these two marbles, how long do you think it'll take before "ripping somebody's nuts off"-type captions get put on the impossible list?The Unmasked Revenger
As his sister prattled on about her Elvis-UFO-JFK conspiracy theories, Jeffy took comfort in the knowledge that her room would be his once the family had her committed.DMW
...and then Jenny said -- dammit, Jeffy, is it too much to ask for you to keep your hands off your dick while I'm talking to you?anon
It's just that kind of smug smirk that makes Mommy and Daddy smack you around.Ace of Nines
"That last Thai stick was laced with somethin, dude.. Did you ever look at your fingers? I mean, like, really look at them?"Mister Sinister
So then I told Daddy, "At least you've never just drawn _one_ line and called it a background." See? He isn't all that bad.The Outsider
No, your case is called a false pregnancy.anon
Billy knew Dolly was back on the pills when she began eating the invisible ice cream again.The Sandman
So what's the deal with your penile implants? Let's see it!anon
The Doctor said that I have to hold my hand like this in case my eyes fall out.David Healy
You're not lookin' at me while I'm talkin' to ya' Jeffy. Have you been eating those paint chips again?Riff
So you see, Mistahh Bond, if you take your hands out of your pants, the motion detectors placed carefully on your manhood will cause the bomb to detonate, leaving the whole world NAKED! BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.insane
First no nostrils, then no nipples, now no foreheads! I wish he'd get off that binge already.insane
Boy...thats what you call KIND weed!insane
"...so I figure Mom's been filling the Ding-Dongs with Thorazine. I'd do something about it, but I'm just too mellow to care right now."Paul T. Riddell
"Ya know, Mom's gonna be really pissed when she sees all her valium is gone, but right now I just don't give a damn."Blake
Y'know, I'm not so sure you should be bragging about how often you made the stupid list; most people don't consider that something to be proud of. But maybe I'm wrong...Greg J
...so Jean's older sister's friend's cousin's brother's girlfriend went in the bathroom and locked the door and turned off all the lights and closed the curtains and looked in the mirror and she saw the devil looking back at her and she screamed and tried to get out, but she slipped and fell and hit her head on the sink and by the time they got the door open, she had bled to death. So are you sure you wanna try it Jeffy?Spooge
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