As he detonated himself in the crowd, Jeffy's last words were "Glory to the Cake!"Brandolon Hill
"Note how the white-male sexist indoctrination begins early as young boys are taught to regard their mothers as mere pieces of meat. The Family Circus clearly identifies with other smut such as Playboy, Hustler, and that hideous bastion of perversion, The Cat in the Hat", Catharine McKinnon, A Feminist Guide to the ComicsEric the Black
"WOMEN! Looking for that classic hourglass figure? Why not try WonderGirdle?! Using the latest steel and Kevlar composites, you can change that 26" waist to a svelte 11", 9", or even 7"!"Eric the Black
"Why eat roast turkey," Jeffy mused, "when braised hockey puck sounds so much better?"Svingen
"I used to love Sunday dinner nights. Rubber chicken, wax fruit and plastic potatoes made for a quick meal, and the stupid gits never seemed to catch on.", Thelma Keane, Guilty PleasuresEric the Black
Every year Jeffy looked forward to Thel's spicy urinal-cake stuffing.Paul Roub
Buns. Soft, rounded, smooth buns. Buns jiggling, wiggling. Why can't I get those buns off my mind?Destroyer
In the Keane household, Thel's cooking was the best advertisement McDonald's could ask for.Judgement Night
It really wouldn't matter who got the bigger piece of the wishbone, because the request was always the same: GET ME OUT OF THIS GODDAMNED STRIP!!!Hang Lose
Bil's on vacation, and today's cartoon is drawn by the U.S. Geological Survey. "Mmm! I could really go for a semi-molten core sample of igneous rock!" ThinkAndDo
"Hmmm," thought Jeffy, "if Mom cooked a turkey, why do I keep gettin' a strong whiff of Filet-O-Fish sandwich down here?"Latent Appliance Fetisher
Jeffy wants pancakes. Thel wants turkey. Bil wants PJ tartare. Dolly wants a spanking. Billy wants out.Ken
Obviously, not a breast or thigh man . . . .Twomp
"Man, everything Thel cooks ends up tasting like a thin piece of shit between two pieces of bread..."Xamian
Jeffy, with his once-in-a-blue-moon round head, contemplated cramming Bil's nuts into the waffle iron, to insure that this time, he wouldn't be redrawn as a melonhead anytime soon.Kal
He had heard Dad and Uncle Roy talking about it all week. But what exactly was a "Thel sandwich"?Tuxedo Bill
DFC Puzzle: Find the mistakes in this picture. 1. Jeffy is thinking. 2. Only the top of the turkey is polished to a shine. 3. The dining void is not entirely featureless. Note: Thel's torso misaligned with her abdomen is not a mistake thanks to a kitchen accident early in this scene's shoot. Crazy Climber
This being the Keane household, I don't want to know what the "special sauce" is.Gen. Sedgwick
Nothing capped off Thanksgiving like telling the little brats that they had just eaten Big Bird. -'Guilty Pleasures' by Thelma KeaneMr. ?
Robert Crumb's earliest childhood memory.Dave Matthews
Don't let your children fantasize! First they start with simple things like food, eventually they graduate to lewd sex acts with giant fish. --A Public Service Announcement from the Christian CoalitionYakko (reaching way back)
Once, the light fixture in the kitchen -- one of those big heavy ones, this was in the sixties, mind you -- fell just as I was walking under it. I probably would have been killed if Thel's skimpy French maid's constume hadn't given me a sudden involuntary thought balloon., which cushioned the impact. I've wondered ever since then whether Bill drew those bolts loose on purpose.Mycroft
On certain rare occasions, Jeffy would momentarily think of something other than himself.Helder
Of course, this being a Keane Thanksgiving, the turkey is dressed in black rubber bondage gear.Rotter
Uh, Bil, what's my motivation here: Mom's butt reminds me of a sausage biscuit? Jeffy's season at the Lee Strasberg Summer Camp had seriously slowed things down on the Keane set.Randall
Jeffy realized it was Thanksgiving day and was awash with guilt, having just stuffed himself with a meatloaf 'sammich'. It was a guilt that would grow like a cancer until that fateful, bloody day at the local Boston Market. From the psychological casefile of Jeffrey 'Jeffy' Keane, Middletown Police DepartmentBeetletech
Food dyslexia.Larry Hastings
Jeffy was so high and mighty that, even early in his career, he insisted on every bit of food he ate being served on an english muffin. The Mad Hatter
There I was, daydreaming about a Big Mac, when her heel gave way. Her tibia snapped like Joe Theismann's. When the paramedics took her away, I was still sobbing, covered in giblets. To this day, Special Sauce makes me shudder.Diggit
If I'm standing there, that ain't the image in my thought balloon.Gen. Sedgwick
Jeffy was never very good at playing "Guess The Roadkill".Heath
Actually, Jeffy was thinking about Duck L'Orange, but Bil couldn't find any clip art for that.justiz
When Thanksgiving and anorexia collide.frer
For years, Jeffy obsessed over the space shuttle's O rings.Bad Girl
Although it never got ratings as high as It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!, the Keane Thanksgiving special, titled The Magical Turkey-Melt gained noteriety when the November, 1959 issue of Psychology Today listed it as one of the ten most likely causes of Holiday Depression.Westur the Unspeakable (salvaging the esteemed Helder)
No doubt about it - Thel was a wizard with government cheese.Namgubed the Merry Elf
Fortunately for the Cowles editors, even the Kama Sutra lacked the clip-art for what Jeffy was really thinking.Helder
One of Jeffy's favorite desserts is Portuguese Man-of-War Upside-Down Cake.Mycroft
From the Dysfunctional McDonald's Menu: Egg McMuffin with Baconhead, and Chicken McHarlot.Helder
"I was finally thrown out of the house after I demanded 'hamburglars' on Thanksgiving Day. Bil beat the living crap out of me and tossed me into the street. Soon after, I became a roadie for the band that was to change my life, the Quivering Rectal Cavities." -- Jeffy Keane, You'll Never Eat Gaspetti In This Town AgainPete
Okay, okay...the burger-thing that Jeffy is dreaming about and the fact that Thel is both serving non soylent based food AND showing lotsa leg is just a diversion, the real action is - Who or what is Bil buggering at the table, a muppet?Mr. Yummy Pants
During holidays, Bill would terrify the children with his cornish hen hand puppet routine.El Caballero
Sadly, Jeffy was never seriously considered for the role of Mayor McCheese. He would have to settle for the lesser-known part of Lieutenant Governor Leftovers...Don Cabron
While the rest of the country celebrated Thanksgiving, the Keanes celebrated Thanks-for-fuckin'-up-our-lives-you-talentless-hack.Helder (salvaging myself)
Exhibit A: The cartoon that managed to get Betty Friedan, Marcel Proust, and Ray Kroc spinning in their graves simultaneously.scoob
"Man," thought Jeffy. "It's nights like this when I wish I hadn't given up steaming cylinders of lard for Lent."scoob
Back to the DFC Archive index