DFC #433

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Here we see Dolly applying a variation of the "Hertz Donut" called the "Dieyoufuckin Bastardwhywontyoudie". Hang Lose

Dolly, in a cute but deadly mispronunciation, chokes the chickenshit.munkiman

Even as Dolly pleaded for his life, Billy smelled a rat. The bitch had set him up. Being caught en flagrante delicto was just a part of her sick, twisted scheme, and now Aaron Hill was coming at him with a shiv. The Lesser Gatsby

The original "shirts off" version of this scene is kept in a secret file at the Vatican.The Lesser Gatsby

"Look, Kittycat's contract ran out 12 panels ago, and this kid was begging to have his breath stolen."Stealth

"Dolly had been warned a million times not to awaken Billy after a vodka and Percodan binge, but as usual she was too stupid to listen. Bil had to hock the car to pay for the reconstructive surgery." Thelma Keane, Polishing a Turd: My Life with Bil, 4th Ed.Eric the Black

Billy! That creepy house across the street is staring at me again! Make it stop! Damn you, make it stop!!!Otis

"Rosebud? What the fuck is Rosebud?"Stan "Citizen Stan" Xhiao

Dammit, Dolly! Billy thought. I'm finally just one bullet away from freedom! Stop begging Dad to put the gun down!Rotter

Ohhhhhh...now I know why he's still alive: when I calculated the dosage, I forgot to factor in his enormous ass.Rotter

"God, I love it when your eyes smolder like that. No! I mustn't look. Our love is forbidden, William, you magnificent son of a bitch."Talisker

"Quick, get the mouthwash -- this may be our only chance!"Helder

Then he had an idea. An awful idea. Little Billy had a wonderful, awful idea!Pete

Mom, what's a cute way to mispronounce "autoerotic asphyxiation?"NME--

"Is that true Thel? You suck cocks in hell?"Faux Pas

"Hurry, Jeffy, find the shunt plug! He's about to blow!"Stan Xhiao

This is too what Jesus would do!Ken

He's got the worm, Ma!Kevy

Oh, that's right. My bad. I forgot we needed a virgin for the sacrifice.Judgement Night

Billy, hide me under the bed. If the anyone asks, I was with you all day yesterday.Judgement Night

"He's having a grand mal frénésie de jeu de dik! Somebody get a pencil under his tongue!"Pete

"Dammit! Who gave Billy the gamma rays?"Pete

It's true, Jeffy! It's small but it's there . . . he's got a neck! Paint up some signs; the strike begins now!Stefan Jones

"Wow, you don't have a pulse, either! No wonder we haven't aged a day in over 40 years!"Helder

"My hand -- trapped under the weight of the monstrous Billymelon! Run! Save yourselves!"Stealth

"Sorry, Roy, I thought you'd skipped your timeslot this morning."Stealth

"Hey, Bil, better call the doctor - looks like the head pipe's startin' to fray a little!"Svingen

"Knock it off, Thel. We both know I'm doin' him a favor."Dave Matthews, Caption Salvager

Everyone, watch! Sub-Zero taught me a new trick!Rev. Evil Ed

Daddy! Make him spit! I was promised a snowball, and dammit I'm going to get one!Tailgate

Look out! Dad's awake, sober, and has a clean shave! Something big's happening!Peter Kurten '31

Volcano 2: Erupt Harder-- When Not Me tries to pin the blame on the kids one time too many, Billy's about to blow his top. You'd better believe that ghost is toast!Ken

"Just looking for Pez. Why?"scoob

"I don't know what's worse. . the fact that he's ten and this is his fourth overdose, or that I'm six and know exactly what to do . . now gimme 4 cc's of adrenaline, STAT!"Hang Lose

Note to self: Don't wake up Billy with a Dutch oven ever again!Andrea

Hey, if you'd burned yourself yesterday playing with fire, been bitten by an animal you'd been torturing, and woke up on a piss-soaked mattress, you'd wanna kill people, too!Andrea

"Talk to the ponytail!"justiz

Bil Keane's Alien: Dolly gnaws her way out of Billy's stomach.Bad Girl

"Shit! I think I interrupted the Bleeth/Love-Hewitt dream again. Get the tazer! Get the tazer!"Orbo

Caught in the act, and captured on a FC panel no less, everyone thought Dolly was headed to prison. Luckily for Dolly the old man she "pleasured" yesterday in the amusement park bathroom just happened to be Johnny Cochran.Lt. Dan

Keane Kollector Plate #137: Dyke With Finger in Little Dutch Boy, limited to 30 firing days.Stan Xhiao

In David Brin's universe it takes millenia to uplift a caption from red to green. But in his latest novel, when the wolfling humans try to uplift "sperm-bruping gutter slut" within a matter of days, they quickly find an alien armada massed against them.Ken

Feels like a big hairball this time.Gen. Sedgwick

He's flatlining, can I have his room?Uncle Roy

Damn! It always works when Xena does it!the skyclad answer

"OK..I've made the tracheal incision, now....Crap! Another commercial..."Don Cabron

Hey Bil, you were right; Billy's pecs are implants!Robbbbb

"I'm not shitting you. It's right on the chart. 'Blunt Force Trauma to the Melon.'"The Lesser Gatsby

Just as I thought. Thel, I told you to buy iodized salt.Gen. Sedgwick

"My God, Dr. Morgan, you're right! Underneath all that fat, he's developing THEL-NECK!!"anon

Realizing that Billy was choking, Dolly quickly rolled him over, and in one of theose cute mispronounciations, applied the Heinie Lick maneuver. Rev B

"Hey kids! Don't get Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis like my brother, Billy. It's real bad." - A Bil Keane PSA for the "Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and Other Trendy Diseases Foundation"bobo

Family Circus collectable plate #84 - 'Trachial Contusion'.Westur the Unspeakable

Yup, looks like a corroded catalytic converter. Jeeter, d'you get me that Hollowell wrench and jack this puppy up a couple more notches? I think we're gonna need to do a full flush and fill.Orrin Bloquy

"Billy-Jo! Billy-Jo! Daddy's a comin', and he's got a jug of moonshine and his varmint gun! Looks like we're gettin' hitched!." -- From Bil Keane's failed strip, Hillbilly HijinxCoalcracker

"Was that squeeze then twist, or twist then sqeeze?"Helder

But he won't accept Jesus as his lord and savior, Mommy! I have to kill him!Shampoo

Mom?...I got my finger stuck in Billy's trachea ring again! Fonix "jungleboogie" 13

But I wanted to be firstborn!Mr. ?

What shiv?Mr. ?

Back to the DFC Archive index