Yeah, yeah, "I am not an animal." Just hold the pose a few more minutes and we'll be done, Mr. Merrick.anon
While Bil Keane is at a cartoonists convention, and Billy is on vacation with Uncle Roy, and Jeffy is in rehab, the strip will be drawn by Dolly. Today's caption: "I hate my fucking family!"Coalcracker
"Hey mom, Cowles is on my ass to get my submission in. How do you spell 'That talentless bastard is serving 14 days for violating his restraining order?'"Helder
"Dammit! I'm trying to draw that zombie, Dad!"Snafflepod
Y'know, I'm thinking it's probably easier coloring in the parts where he didn't touch me.The Outsider
But if you take the pineapple out of your butt, it's not art, dammit! Now hold still!Rotter
I give up! How the fuck do you get a PalmPilot to recognize a "v"?!?Rotter
"Well, I know it's all squiggly and blurry, but it's for Dad-- so when he looks at it through a handle of scotch, it'll all come together."Hang Lose
I'm not good at writing, Daddy.. Is it ok if I just draw your suicide note?Zerby
Dolly's contemporaries ridiculed the circular heads she drew on her figures, and only after fifty years would her abstract genius be recognizedBrandolon Hill
"Six shots of gin, three beers, four whacks off of Billy's skull bong, and a healthy snort of heroin, and I can still fuckin' draw better than you, Bil! Who the fuck are you blowing down at Cowles to keep them paychecks coming?"Hang Lose
"I know it hurts, PJ, but just keep still. My Boy With Mousetrap will make us a fortune!"crispy
Bil, let me show you a few reasons why your Mona Lisa forgery will never pass.Judgement Night
Then, in the third scene, we'll have the chick order a pizza. She'll fuck the pizza boy. Dolly always found it much easier to lay out her porno-movie plots with some layout sketches.Judgement Night
This original cell from Disney's musical epic The Picture of Dolly Ann Grey recently sold for $88,888 at Sotheby's. Blank Generation
No matter how hard I try, I still can't do a proper formless void like dad.Destroyer
A bitch, a pen, a scrawl, LWARCSA...Ah shit. Like this caption style's got even one more fucking breath left in it.zen
As the witness described the terrible visage of her attacker, Dolly stopped, transfixed. She's describing my darling Charlie..My darling Charlie Brown. Somewhere, a dog howled.zen
It's called "Bad Touch", Bil, and it's for sale. I figure I can let you have it for, oh, around five grand.zen
"No, Thel...that towering stack is for all the captions about how I'm referring to captions about this drawing looking like Bil's. The bigger one is for captions about how this drawing looks like Bil's."Dvandom
Listen, bitch, he's been drawing my head huge for decades, I can draw his python as big as I want... as big as I need, dammit!Zhao
Dolly managed to get hold of a pen by whining about her drive to create. Quickly, when no one was looking, she drew herself a few cup sizes larger.gub
"I'm drawin' pretty pictures, an'--hey. Hey, wait a second. God DAMN it! This is a picture of Jeffy! Get that little scene stealing fuck in here! He's a dead man!"Pete
"Wait a minute ... the over-sized head ... the stubby arms and legs ... the total lack of scenery ... oh shit, it's genetic!"Helder
Soon after making the terrible mistake of attempting to turn her head more than five degrees without a neck, Dolly dropped dead.munkiman
Okay Daddy, Mommy doesn't know what it is, Billy doesn't know what it is, neither does Jeffy an' even Uncle Roy! I think we've got a winner! Let's mail this baby to Cowles!Mr. Ben McClellan
"This? Uh, well, this is something that's kind of abstract, really...uh...yeah, it represents my inner...you know...feelings. Yeah. Oh, fuck it, I'm drawing naked ladies, you know it and I know it."Pete
"But Daddy, I don't know how you look without a hangover."Mr. Kontoontwon
New from the Franklin Mint: Dolly Discovers Prince's Middle NameKen
Seems like no matter what I scan in, Microsoft Front Page gives me this same image. Any ideas?Gen. Sedgwick
In this picture, Bil drew Dolly drawing Bil drawing Dolly.Ken
To convince her skeptical parents, Dolly drew a picture of Not Me. Strangely, all Bil and Thel saw was a blank piece of paper.Ken
As the second blast of projectile vomit hit her in the face, Thel made a mental note, "don't criticize the child's drawing of Zuzu."Rev B
"OK, Mr. Krahlin, the second installment of PeeNuts is almost ready."Tamex
This one's called 'Daddy Takes a Hatchet to the Head'. Mr. ?
"Damned if I know what it is, but Cowles is offering me the equivalent of three years of Dad's salary for it, so I'm not complainin'."Magus
"Did Jesus have three eyeballs or four, Daddy?"Stan Xhiao
"And after I draw this picture I'll draw a bath. A-HA-HA-HA! Now gimme five bucks and I'll stop being cute."Stan Xhiao
Pictionary sucks! Let me see you draw "respect".Judgement Night
Once the markings of Zuul are complete, you will all perish, puny mortals!Mr. ?
Two nostrils? Are you sure?Luna
My GOD I'm good!!me, myself, I
If I'm going to draw you Daddy, I need to know how to draw an aura of failure.Hugh Jass
"It's the Xena comic book I'm writing: this is the scene where Xena and I discover the bloated corpse of Gabrielle..."Steve
Contrary to popular belief, it's Dolly who fixes Bil's sick and twisted scrawlings before they get published. Here she is giving Jeffy a pair of pants.Helder
"Are you sure inkers only make 3 cents a day?"Helder
Portrait of My Father Hucking a Whiskey Bottle proved to be Dolly's ticket to the top of the Manhattan art scene. Soon she was selling out gallery showings and signed prints were going for five figures.hangtownman
"Say someone gets shot in the head with a 9mm. How high does the blood typically spray?"Limehouse
"Of course it's Billy. Can't you tell from the open shunt in the forehead?"scoob
"Wait! I've just finished the translation! IN THE LATIN ALPHABET, JEHOVAH STARTS WITH AN 'I'!!!"Pete
Hot off the Palindromic Newswires: "Pale Bil's Ward Draws Libel -- (AP)"scoob
"This pen SUCKS for Mumbletypeg! Mommy, bring me the Bowie knife!"Rev. Stackpole
"But he is anatomically correct -- it's scratch-and-sniff!"Heath
It's Calvin. God, I miss him...Crackmonkey
"I'm simply channeling my joy of family and middle-class values through my pencil. Why the fuck do you ask?"Stan Xhiao
" I've got a great idea for a comic strip! It's called ' Captain One Leg and his melted popsicle of doom!' Or am I reaching?"Adam K.
Quit moving the matchbook, dammit, this could be my big break!Gen. Sedgwick
Ten minutes into the sketch she realized she was drawing a pistol. Like, duh!Octophile
While Bil is busy kicking the shit out of 7-year-old Billy, 6-year-old Dolly fills in...Heath
While Dolly's People Parts lacked the attention to detail of Gray's Anatomy, it was more entertaining and considerably cheaper.Deiphage
So, I am a cartoon drawing a cartoon of a cartoon drawing a cartoon? Great, now cartoon doesn't sound like a real word.Octophile
"Hi, I'm Dolly Keane, and I can't say enough about the Rob Liefeld School of Art!"Pete
"Wait, I didn't--wait a--hold still for a--damn, animation is hard!"Pete
Darn it, these just aren't happy trees!!!Don Cabron
Back to the DFC Archive index