If this doesn't find my *G* spot, then I'm shit out of luck! R.J.M.
Hey Guys! Look What I pulled out of the toilet! Man, Those bran muffins really do the trick! Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon
Sure, right now it's just a stick. But with love, water, and plenty of sunshine, soon we'll have a real background! Frenchy, the Toad Swallower
Look! I found something with less emotion than Bil! Frenchy, the Toad Swallower
...and so, Princess Dolly returned with an eyelash from the terrible giant, and somehow this saved the kingdom. Or something. Dvandom
Hey DFCers! Bil drew this indescribable thing just to fuck with your heads. So don't bother trying to make sense of it, OK? And because I told you, can you cut me some slack for the next week or so? Please? Hideo Spanner
Bil's too clutzy to draw an alien seed pod for "Body Snatchers Week," so we're using this stalk of Guatamalan Xhuxlopogto instead. Play along, and enjoy the show! Stefan Jones
Damned if I know, but whatever it is, it's twice as absorbant as my old protection! Hideo Spanner
May I escort you to the vomitorium, Mr. Brando? Moby
In a pitiful attempt to draw readers, Bil did a cross-over with "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." In this scene, Dolly has found joy as an eyelash mite. Brandolon Hill
"Hey, I made it to here without gagging!" Torc.
"C'mere PJ, Chaka Zulu was just on and I wanna try something . . . ." Twomp
Sometimes a freakishly oversized eyelash is just a freakishly oversized eyelash. Coalcracker
Dolly gazed in wonder at the view from the ski lift, oblivious to the fact that the cable she was clutching had snapped and she was plummetting to her death. Kai Robinson
It's my replacement ponytail. SyberStarr
"And this, ladies, is the top of the range..." Dolly's Tupperware parties were always the hottest thing going on Maple Street, in spite of the $30 cover charge. Agent Mario Knob
The moment this caption was uploaded to the DFC, somewhere, Sigmund Freud's rotting corpse rose from the grave and mauled three bystanders to death before heaving itself in front of a car. Magus
Hey kids! Welcome to beginner's Spot the Phallic Symbol! In just a few days time, you should be able to move on to intermediate, but let's work on some basics." Magus
Anyone else want the other end of this bent on their round smartass head? The Boy
"Here ya go, Grandma! Now you can pick that piece of 14 year-old food outta that big fuckin' gap in your teeth!" snackwhore
"Thanks dad! It's what I've always wanted. Well, besides breasts." Helder
"Check it out, Mom! Dr. Seuss draws the best sex toys!" Lloyd Dobler
...and so the doctor said, "how could you have something that large rammed up your ass and not notice it?" Of course I just had to laugh. Anyway, I feel much better now. bandit
I finally found the toenail clippers! bandit
I said, "I've been bad and I need punishing!" Hello? Anyone? bandit
Well, I finally got the broom away from Mom. Of course, now she's polishing the driveway, but at least we have a LITTLE carpet left! Kal
....and on the third try we got it in so far the doctor had to come remove it! poopoo
Despite her agent's claims that she'd be beating away offers with a stick, Dolly found little work after the Family Circus, not counting those Guatemalan hygiene films. Helder
Mother! Cessation of Jurgen's frolic is recent past! I have been removing of spinal cord and stem of nerves of Jurgen! Adulate my prowess, mother! I request it! -- From "Sphere Dwelling Family", the Norwegian DFC Brettt Maverick
Dolly ... in the void ... with the wood thingy. Bil Keane's attempt to insert the Family Circus characters into the Clue board game was a dismal failure. Helder
"...And where her left hand should be... there's nothing but a piece of celery! Deiphage
"Actually dad, it's not that I couldn't afford a better Father's Day present ... I just didn't give a rat's ass." Helder
I don't know what the hell it is either, but as long as it distracts attention away from my kneecaps, I'm happy. Milo Bloom
Dolly's stint on the Home Shopping Network came to a halt when she tried to sell 45,000 pieces of the "True Cross". Rodney
See if that damn Grinch ever tries to steal our Christmas again. Livin' In Deep 13
Daddy, may I please have another hockey stick? Jeffy's still twitching a little.Rotter
Dolly demonstrates and sells the Melon-Headed Head Scratcher at $1 a piece. She made $2. PJ's head wasn't itchy.anon
.... and then a giant mutant chipmunk fell from the sky and gnawed the end off of Dolly's oversized french fry, while Dolly sang "Build Me Up, Buttercup" in technicolor. Damn, I had to hand it to Freddie, that latest batch of "Old Owsley's" was his best yet!dirtysweet
and so the fairy godmother shows up and says, 'you too can go to the ball.' But cinderella beats the crap out of her, takes her wand and incinerates the palace with a hundred fireballs and goes on to rule the world with an iron hand. The End. -From Stephen King's Fairy TalesMr. ?
Come one, Billy. Let's invade Wee Pals and play "Plantation".Judgement Night
Aw, c'mon, it'll heal. Besides, is it my fault you keep adorably mispronouncing the safe word?Gen. Sedgwick
Wow! Bil finally drew me in a dress! This feather is going up my ass THIS instant!Hack-Man
"Well, I had that same Dolly clip-art I'd used since '74, and I was getting ready to draw -- I dunno, probably a door or some shit like that. Then the mescal hit me, and it was all I could do to get out that curvy stick-thing" -- from Drawing Comics the Bil Keane Way.phil
At last, Dolly enters the stadium bearing the Olympic Weatherstripping.anon
Here we see the Dolly virus (Melonocephaliosis) attacking a healthy white blood cell. The result is often a slow, painful, yet strangely heartwarming death.Kai Robinson
From the official King Features web site: "Bil Keane never formally studied art, but by faithfully re-creating the world around him, he developed the phenomenally successful cartoon panel "The Family Circus."Stan
With fronds like this, who needs enemas?Ken
"Heeeeeeeeere, Jeffy! Doctor Dolly says it's time for your throat culture!"Heath
Illustration from the American Sugar Association's lobbying tract, "Migrant Workers Love the Cane Harvest."scoob
And with this Idiot dowsing rod... Oh look! It's curving!Mr. ?
OK, how you doin'? Bonds not too tight? Now our next lesson, Mr. "Dykes just need a good reaming," is that it's also just a myth that males can't be penetrated.Horselover Fat
"Look at this neat thing we carved outa the leg of that old Chippendale chair in the dining room!"anon
"Now then, where's the bong?"E.Novak
For some reason, Bil decides to show the idea of evolution, here from celery to melonhead. Nobody really knows why.Ragnar the Hammer
From the National Women's Council brochure, "Toxic Shock And You".Heath
While most families prefer spankings or "Quiet Time" as a form of punishment, The Keane Family prefers the old standard of Caning until blood is drawn. Jeffy's wet the bed again, and tonight is Dolly's turn to wear the Punisher's Hood.Reverend S. Michael Wilson
"Speak softly, and carry a big...uh...one of these."Heath
"Jeffy fell asleep in the tanning booth again. I guess we should reconstitute him before the next panel.Torc.
If there is a lesson here, it's never get plastered drunk with a SkyMall Cataloge. Mr. ?
Check out this turd! My ass is a fuckin' playdough machine!R.J.M.
"Sampo!"Orbo (caption salvage)
"...and I'd like to thank the Academy, my agent, the Syndicate, and especially my Dad, who not only gave me lots o' love and support, but also designed this lovely award!"Stan
"Call in your bets, boys, I've got somethin' here that'll put Bil's 'pleasure pants' to shame!"Stan TrouserMan Xhiao
Although Greenpeace was saddenned by the loss of the baby blue whale, members of the organization were more shocked that Dolly had ripped the whale's baleen out with her bare hands.Puddin Jones
With my Demon Wand 2000 I've taken down Bloom County, The Far Side, and Calvin and Hobbs. Mutts will be a cinch.FattySnax
"Yes folks, with Joleson and Joleson big-long-curvy-thingamajigs, your life will be much easier."Magus
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