DFC #404

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

In this cartoon, from Keane's nearly forgotten Marxist period, Thel represents the proletariat woman, whose work supports both Dolly, the overbearing manager, and Jeffy, the fat and lazy capitalist who leers at her lustfully. Due to McCarthy era censorship, the sequel to this panel, wherein the enraged worker attacks her oppressors (cf #402), would not be published for several years. the insignificant signified

I was always amazed at how many washings my cheapskate mother could get out of a set of 'Chinet'. -- From The Frugal Whore, by Geoff KeaneWestur the Unspeakable

We find it easier to give dad a tab of acid and convince him the plates are really giant lollipops.Nethicus

I don't care if you are washing dishes . . . white gloves after Labor Day are MAJOR fashion faux pas.Ham Hips

"Go tell your bigshot artist husband that Mr. Schultz bought his wife a dishwasher. He can do without the Chivas for a couple of weeks."Monkey Punch

The fashion magazines were wrong. Even with a Cindy Crawford mole, Thel's life was no more exciting.Dvandom

Thel, Priestess of the EveryFull Sink O'Dishes, was secure in the knowledge that her Bracers of Defense (AC/3) would protect her from yet another annoying knee-biter attack.Twomp

Mom, the Mr. Crack truck's outside. Can I have twenty-five dollars, pleeeze, all the other kids on the block are scoring some rock right now I promise I'll dryclean Dad's dresses and spit-shine Roy's whips and shave your back and take all my Ritalin on time and never pronounce pasta names right and and and stuff, can I huh?orrin bloquy

While Dolly held Thel's attention with mindless prattle, Jeffy stared in amazement. "Wow, she was right! Thel's tit DOES look just like Richard Nixon if you tilt your head and squint just right!"Lord Zombie

" How I envy them their conversations!" Thel thought distractedly. "If only my throat was larger, perhaps I could emit a sound!" jeffrey

Jeffy watched in fascination as Dolly attempted to shatter glass with her near operatic voice. Thel, however, was attracted to the shiny faucet.jeffrey

"You wash. I'll dry. Jeffy will hump the counter."Rev. Stackpole

"You're going to have to wash them again. Those are my fisting gloves."Mauser

I know money is tight, but can you really wash paper plates?Coyote

DFC Mad-Libs --- (color) asterisk: Jeffy (bodily function, past tense) in the sink.Ken

Mrs. Houghtendale said your tea was a wee bit strong, and Mrs. Pennyfeather said your cucumber sammiches were a 'saster. Oh, and Lady Redzoneleydale said you're a cum burping gutter slut.Smokey

Bea Arthur called. She wants her arthritic spinal posture back.Smokey

"Good God woman, show some self-respect! Take off those gloves, throw down that apron, and demand to be treated better than a servant. Oh, and make me a sandwich."Helder

As Dolly yammered on about her dream of becoming a Spice Girl, Thel idly wondered to herself -- if nature truly abhors a vacuum, why hadn't the girl's head imploded?!me, myself, I

Mom, I've been watching Oprah, and because I don't grow up to be an insecure crybaby, I want to tell you while I'm still young: Fuck You!jimmy the squidbait

Thel looked down in surprise. I could have sworn that Pez dispenser wasn't there a minute ago...Westur the Unspeakable

Remember, Mom -- clean dishes are enough. You don't have to scrub the dishwater itself.Heath

Turn ...around... very... slowly... Jeffy... is...morphing...into...a...Were-Hummel!Opie

"My mood ring said I was depressed, so I went over to Keith Partridge's and I burned my bra while he warmed up the lava lamp, but now I've got the clap. Can I have fifty for the doctor?" --That 70's CircusHeath

"Good work, Dolly!" thought Jeffy. "Distract her for just 20 more seconds, and that fabulous blue teacup will be mine. All mine!"Stealth

That's the third plate we lost today. I know you like it shiny, but arn't you going over the top just a little with an industial acid wash?Mr. ?

"I dunno, but since you took Pledge to the bannister, he gets that look every time he smells lemons."Sean Q

"After you're done with those, there's a puddle of blood under Mr. "Dishes-Are-Women's-Work"'s chair that needs cleaning."Sean Q

"You'd better go check on Dad. He's wrapping the dogs in duct tape and mumbling 'never again, never again'."Heath

Dishes are dirty/Housework is bondage mommy/I think Jeffy's dead - Last place entry, 1962 DFC Haiku World Championships, Helsinki, FinlandLt. Dan

Desperate cries for help #34 of 417: Repeatedly dipping the good china in a sink full of oatmeal.otis

"Why are you washing your dishes in my gin?Bil's Drinkin' Buddy

I dunno...after seeing all the commercials, I thought I'd be learning things more, you know, high-tech here at DeVry...Rotter

Hey, how come every time you wash my skeleton, you just toss it in the machine?!?Rotter

Q. If Jeffy has just slipped 55 grams of calcium carbide into Thel's dishwater, and will ignite a Zippo over the sink in 22 seconds, how many times will Thel be able to stab him with the jagged ends of her ruined forearms before she dies from blood loss?zen

"Mommy, how long can PJ hold his breath?"Ehjay

That's the third restaurant owner this month who chose the dishwashing over the blowjob. Maybe we need to talk about your technique.Gen. Sedgwick

Edvard Munch's sequel to The Scream was this ink drawing entitled The Annoying Whiny Moan.Smokey

E. coli? E.coli! Why the hell are you worried about E. coli? We haven't been able to afford meat for six months!Argyle

All I'm saying is that since daddy's the one who maxed out the credit card calling 1-900-BAD-BOYS, he should be the one who has to wash dishes to pay off the dinner check.Opie

So, Aunt Betty... how's that new faucet working for ya? I bet it's hard to get used to after all those years with the elephant trunk model.Teneniel

Thel's on vacation today. Her head will be played by a crudely painted doorknob.Orrin Bloquy

"For someone who cleans so compulsively, you sure do smell funny from down here!"Heath

"Mom, Jeffy and I have a question for you. Hypothetically speaking, of course, PJ's too young now to remember later on if he--for example--just lost a limb, right?Heath

I think it's time to rinse mom. You've already scubbed the pattern off, and we're hungry again.lefty

Mommy! Jeffy's deflating again! We'll need more blood!Dr. Nick

Upon coming home early from kindergarden, my mouth dropped open at the sight of my startled family. All the flesh was missing from my mother's mouth, revealing a shiny, metallic exoskeleton. And I'd apparently interrupted my brother's shapeshifting. -- Excerpt from My Alien Family, miserably failed graphic novel by Bil KeaneArthur Jackson (Third time's the charm?)

The emetic in the creme puffs was a touch of genius, Thel. Your bulemic women's lunchen was a great success!Burple

You actually clean in your maid's outfit?R.J.M.

I just realized that our faucet is bigger around than your neck.R.J.M.

You're not fooling us, Thel. 'Mighty Dog' on fine china is still 'Mighty Dog.'Field Marshall Stack

Wow, you gutted, cleaned and boned Jeffy in under five minutes! I'd like to see you do that again!Arthur Jackson (salvaging captions)

Hey Jeffy - go get the NIX. Mom's headlice are spreading!patrik

Mommy? If Daddy is s'posed to be the bread winner in th' family then why do you get all the yeast infections?bobo

I hate to break it to you, but that Calgon ain't takin' you nowhere.Namgubed the Merry Elf

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