"Even when we were kids, Bon would get smashed and boot all over the place. I always warned him this would get him into trouble some day but he never listened." -- from I Wanted to Call the Band AC/DFC by Angus Younghangtownman
So you're saying this guy comes back from the dead with enough strength to push aside a massive boulder, and yet he doesn't eat human flesh like any self respecting zombie? What kind of pansy ass religion is that?Mr. ?
Don't show any fear, Timmy thought. Keanes can smell fear.Mr. ?
"I have to cut off my what if I convert?"Lloyd Dobler
Hey, all I know was that Mrs. Othmar asked the class for a definition for a sex crime, and I raised my hand and said "Not gettin' any!" That's why I was in the principal's office for three hours today. So how was your day? Mr. Ben McClellan, raiding Wild Things
Mamet babies: "My name? Fuck you! That's my name. You know why, kid? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here today and I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name!"Lloyd Dobler
For a moment, the boy could see a tiny, terrified face at the back of Billy's throat...and he knew he would be the next victim.Pete
"I'll give you five bucks if you can get out that pubic hair out from between my molars. God, I'll be happy when mom gets over her root canal."myname
Billy had finally learned all the words to "My Heart Will Go On;" within two weeks P.S. 148 closed due to lack of attendance.Gen. Sedgwick
Cute mispronunciation #14,837: Billy thought the other kids wanted closeup gumshots.Gen. Sedgwick
"Look at you, with your five fingers and your two nostrils. You're a goddamned freak!"Sean Q
Melonmormons.Dave Matthews
As noted in his autobiography, Mcdonalds founder Ray Kroc would remember this chance encounter in 1947 as an inspiration to sell "rapidly prepared meals to halfwits, and to give people the opportunity to choke down noxious fumes while taking orders from a clown's mouth".bobo
Lil' Chip & Flounder from Jim Henson's Animal House Babies...Doc Evil
Billy formulated an excellent retort to Morton's barbaric "Your father is a talentless hack" insult, but the only sound which escaped his mouth was "Duuuuuuuuuuh".Nethicus
Theoretically speaking, Don Tony, how much would placing a hit on a certain cartoonist cost me?Mr. ?
"Look, it's not because we can't find another dude for our group -- it's just that Beastie Boys tribute bands are over, man."Stealth
This year at Future Car Salespersons of America Summmer Camp your child will learn high-pressure tactics with a focus on lame puns.-Colon Bowel---
What? Oh, you have mild throat queasiness! I thought you said something else.Namgubed the Merry Elf
This panel ain't big enough for both of our heads...R.J.M.
"Oral Submission, Graverobbing, Credit Card Phreaking, and White Supremacy 101. What are you taking?"Heath
I don't know what the fuck was on that Mickey Mouse stamp, but do you see those little chink mushroom guys from Fantasia running around too?Brad Popsiclestick
I don't know why they call 'em dress up days if they won't let you wear a dress.AKB
...First of all, don't you think it's a bit pointless to give a bible to someone who has pictures of winged demons eviscerating small children on his lunchbox?Pastor of Muppets
"Oh, a uvula piercing" thought Morton, "that is just, like, SO LAST YEAR!"Sodomiser (Gomorrha the merrier!)
Aaaahhhhh....now that's why you shouldn't let your mom substitute Skoal for real vegetables.Dark One
"No shit?! Monica Lewinsky gave you a tie too?!"MrGrinch33
"Damn! Why does Dad put me in comics with putzes like you instead of sultry bikini babes?"YoYo
"Even Fisher-Price people have proportionate heads. We're more like Escher-Price people..."Heath
Even the new kid knew better than to mess with a slack-jawed boy carrying a Pocahontas comic book in one hand and a Kama Sutra lunch box in the other.Mitch
Yeah, my dad can beat up your dad. But it will cost him $350 an hour and he has to bring his own nipple clamps.Buzz Lightbeer
Oh yeah?? Well, my daddy's boyfriend can beat up your daddy!Vice Pope Doug
Yeah, but you'll get busted as a criminal drug dealer. I'm gonna study hard, be a good boy, an' become a doctor. Then I can 'scribe myself whatever the fuck I want.Vice Pope Doug
R.J.M. and Namgubed discuss their streaks ending, and which editor to blame...R.J.M.
The day little David Epstein realized that no amount of money and maternal guilt could get him to join his family's dentistry business.kyosuke
Hmmm... Not bad. But what exactly is a "rufie"??The Dank
Look, just because I've got a unicorn lunch box, a tape of Swan Lake, and a habit of invading other males' personal "bubble" doesn't mean I'm gay. Human sexuality is too complex for labels.Die Fledermaus
"I am noth drunk, youshtupid bashtard. I'm hyperglyshemenic."Stealth
True... but still, Ska will never be as popular and as widely accepted as the vocal stylings of Barry Manilow. The Dank
"It's hard work, trying to get a bunch of 9 year old kids to read a copy of The Watchtower."snackwhore
Cath'lic school's okay. The uniforms suck, but the sex is pretty good.Vice Pope Doug
I... will... bark... like... a... dog... in... gym... class... Once again, Billy misunderstands the instructions in his hypnotism book with the inevitable results.anon
Sandy Frank presents "War of the Giant Melonheads" in Bad Perspectovision.Monkey Punch
"I can get away with wearing a tie to school -- heck, I'm in my forties by now. What's your excuse?Heath
"To trip, or not to trip in a nutsack in a frenzy of Dik play. That is the question. Whether 'tis good on you mate, or held in by poop..."- William Keane the Second in the smash broadway hit, " Dfc does Shakeaspeare". Mokohki-chan
"Look Greenspan, you can go on and on about that financial mumbo jumbo, but I'm tellin' ya, the real money and power is in cartooning."- Bil Keane, early classmate. From Jesus Saves, But God Invests by Alan Greenspan.Bohica
"My modelling career began tastefully with this photo for a J.Crew ad. However, it was only a matter of time before I was doing nude spreads in Playgirl, and I finally hit rock bottom in that damn Abercrombie and Fitch catalog." -William Keane Jr., Circles of HellRobbbbb
When Marvin started wearing a tie, Billy came to school with a tie and a Scooby-Do lunchbox. When Marvin started wearing penny loafers, Billy came to school with untied wing-tips. But when Marvin started wearing a miniature fishing cap, Billy admitted that Marvin was, indeed, the King of the Nerds.Wizzle
Jeffy's got this wild scheme to get out by shaving his head and wearing a fez. You think he's got a chance Akbar?Peon
"It's 'Bil-leh'. 'Bil-leh', you uncultured cretin."Stealth
Herbie had to admit that Billy's pierced tonsils were, indeed, quite a turn-on.Paul Roub
The Irresistible Dork meets the Immovable Doofus.me, myself, I
Mr. Pink discusses plans to douse the principal in kerosene with Mr. Green in this week's episode of Reservoir Dog Babies.Smokey
No kidding. Roy's your uncle too?Ken
It's called herpes, dumbshit. I told you not to fuck with my mom...Field Marshall Stack
Life-changing Events in History #59: Young Isaac Mizrahi's fashion sense is mercilessly taunted by his peers.Desscribe
As usual, it worked like a charm -- the new kid gave Billy all his Tic-Tacs.Gen. Sedgwick
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