DFC #39

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

...an' then she dragged herself onto your briefcase to die. Have a good day at work!Kurt L.

Screw your briefcase, let's talk about this table on my foot.Boschcat of the Apocalypse

Dad? Why do you always get a hard-on when you stare at the cat?Boschcat of the Apocalypse

"I clearly specified one-million in unmarked bills and a -Siamese- cat in exchange for the boy, Mr. Keane."Macavity

This is cheap, Dad. I mean, we all know your rule about one piece of furniture per room, but you think we won't notice if you add a briefcase and cat?Nitrolyte

Dad, when you find a rat the size of your BRIEFCASE in your house, it's time to move.Kelvin Cabrera-Castellar

Don't straighten up yet, Dad. You'll bump your head on the panel.The Lawyer

Billy coundn't keep his "you know what" out of Kitty-Kat, so we're keepin' her in plain sight.anon

...and until you buy some rubbers, this the only pussy you'll see.Rishmawy

Dad, you're a polka music lovin' dufus... and wearing your pants like a hip 12 year old doesn't help.Rishmawy

Dad, you're an over-the-hill polka music lovin' dufus, so wearing your pants like a hip 12 year old isn't gonna help you get the young chicks.Rishmawy

He took a dump in there, closed the lid himself, and now he's sitting there guarding it. Cats are so FUCKED!VIncent Van Gopher

We trained Scruffy to sniff for Heroin, but he won't do it; all he'll do is sit here on your briefcase all day.MrNeutron

I present to you the "Cat Style" briefcase by Pierre Desjardin.Krokus

"He's a senile bastard. Attacked the toaster today. My advice is call in sick."Tim Harrod

There're a hundred and two uses for a dead cat.DMW

"Your payment is in the briefcase. All you have to do is wrestle off the cat. Looks simple, doesn't it?" And with that, my world exploded in a mass of fur, teeth, and blood.Felix W.

...and she wouldn't keep curling up on your briefcase if you remember to turn off the vibrator before you pack it!Tom Jenkins

On your way to work, can you bury fluffy?anon

I packed you lunch. It's rich with catly goodness.Kittycat

Oh WONDERFUL! You just KNOW those Internet arseholes are gonna insert all kinds of "pussy" sex jokes here.RBByrnes

...Now you can go with the prize on table number one, or you can forfeit the prize and sodomize what's behind door number two!RBByrnes

I figured it'd be OK if the cat used your briefcase as a bed, since you're always too drunk to work anyway.Mr. Groovy

It's OK, daddy. I see people smearing Vaseline on the cat's butt all the time.Wombat Mann

You might not wanna try it. You didn't see what she did to the last guy.Lord G

Hey Dad - how do you get your keys outta your pockets? Your arms aren't long enough, silly!BK

"Doesn't she look natural? She looks just like she's sleeping."Blake

"I put her kittens in there a week ago, and they haven't made a sound in days, but she still insists on staying right by them. Weird, huh?"Blake

Dad, Kittycat here told me to tell you that you are one GodDAMN spiffy dresser!Craig

So, ending our tour, you'll see that this lone table is the only decoration you've given our entire fucking house.Craig

As you can see, I've applied the substance directly to the skin of the test animal. I'll take a biopsy in a few days to look for lesions histologically.Craig

See, KittyKat likes that dead fish I put in your suitcase.TRAV

You've killed one security guard and wounded two customers already ... and now you're gonna let a damn CAT stand between you and the biggest haul of diamonds we've seen in years?Trism

I thought the Magic Thaw plate would do the trick, but ...anon

Can we keep her, daddy? The tag says her name is "Mange."m.d. birdcell

See Dad, your briefcase makes a great litterbox! And the best part is, when it's full of cat crap, just take it to work and switch cases with that asshole Charles Schultz when he isn't looking!Frenchy, the Toad Swallower

Since we don't have any paintings, I thought I'd just frame a found object.8R

Hi Daddy! Did you like your surprise? I killed Kitty-Kat myself and stuffed its body into your briefcase! Boy, you must have had one good laugh at work dad? Dad? Hello Dad? Are you in there? anon

Look! I stopped its heart just by thinking about it! Dad? You okay, Dad?anon

First it killed mom and took on her form, and then it sort of lured Jeffy to it and it ripped his legs off, and he managed to pull himself a few feet before it ate him, and then Billy and I made a molotov from some of your Vodka and tried to get the thing, but it caught hold of Billy and wouldn't let him go so he told me to save myself and then the Molotov blew up. But the thing was still alive and it morphed into this little dog thing so I beat the fuck out of it with your briefcase. How was *your* day?zed

Sssshhhh...while Jeffy was sleeping I recombined his DNA strings and turned him into a wallaby! This is gonna be a SCREAM when he wakes up!zed

"Here's something funny; watch what happens when I kick this weak leg out from under the table."Pastor of Muppets

You see, if you didn't insist on keeping a pair of Mom's dirty panties in your briefcase, this wouldn't happen.Bill Hunter

"Your experiment is fundamentally flawed, Dad. Just because Kitty found the only object in the house not painted white doesn't mean that cats aren't colorblind."Mister Sinister

See Daddy, there's good pussy at home AND at work!Zonker

Hey, don't look to me for answers! You drew the goddamn thing!zazu

Way to go, Dad. While you're standing there with that zoned expression, we've got 270 friggin' captions piled up.anon

While you may have lost that account due to the cat hair on your briefcase, a more likely reason would be your grotesque hairy plumber's butt. Wear a belt, would ya?Diggit

"He sprayed it, too, but given the caliber of your work that shouldn't really matter."Mike Harrell

A man named Vito left it here for you. He said you'd know what it meant.John Arrington

Drinkin' all that antifreeze musta made Kittycat really tired--she's been asleep for two days!Thom Graff

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