DFC #371
"Move aside! Move aside! Steaming-hot Beatles wig coming thru, make a hole!"hangtownman
The transporter scene in 'The Family Circus: Special Edition' revealed the low budget afforded to special effects.Heath
Boy...you should have seen the orgasmic pleasure I gave Mr. Bubble!The Mad Whacker
"And then one day I complained about being drawn with a dumpy butt and cottage cheese thighs. I should have known what he'd do next, the bastard." -- from Drawn Toward Daddy, the Dolly Keane Storyhangtownman
Gee, won't Daddy be surprised when he finds this lethal man-o-war in his pillow today. Mr. ?
Claiming she had to swim to the bottom of the pool to scrub out the filter intake, Dolly would spend hours gazing up at the buoyant figures of the women's swim team.marty gray
Gramma has got one HELL of a yeast infection...R.J.M.
Dolly Kenae proves a new point: Revenge is a dish best served buffed to a shine and allowed to soak in soapy water for 20 minutes.Caption Salvage Crew
In a scene censored by the studio, Atticus originally had to take down a rabid child in To Kill a Mockingbird.Coalcracker
Hey, everybody! Check out my "detox illusions" outfit! I'm gonna freak out Daddy!Mr. Ben McClellan
" It was upon her fifty-third round of her off-key rendition of the old song 'Ragg Mopp ' that my one year-old mind first grasped the concept of physical violence... " from " Angel of Justice: Memoirs of a Vigilante ". By Parker Jackson Keane.Doc Evil
Millions of rounds of anti-aircraft fire were not enough to stop Giant, Mutant Dolly as she and her Atomic Mop descended on the city of Tokyo.me, myself, I
Heeeeeere's Dolly!! Scene from Stephen King's "The Buffing"Namgubed the Merry Elf
I always suspected Mom used a little extra "motivation" to scrub the counters to a mirror finish. Then one day I found her amphetamine stash. When I came down several hours later, I could see my reflection in the driveway. - Dolly Keane: The Unauthorized AutobiographySean Q
Here we can see the nitrate film begining to bubble from "The Family Circus Movie". Soon this picture will be lost to us. Despite this, it's important to support film preservation efforts.HasNoName
"An then the dust bunny King said if I left his people alone I could be Queen! But then I thought about poor daddy, and if I was the Queen what would HE be? An that made me feel sad so I killed them all. Can I have some more cough syrup now?Kal
"As detox hallucinations go" thought Dolly "being eaten alive by dust mites isn't so bad."J. Wally Thompson
Dolly wins. **FATALITY!**Gen. Sedgwick (variations on a theme by Doc Evil)
Finally I caught that damn Garfield alone an' I reamed him good. An' know what? He's a freakin' stuffed animal!!planejane
Having failed at her career as a squeegie-kid, Dolly moves on to the more lucritive Shiwala-girl racket. bobo
Mortally speared, the McDonalds Fry Guy nonetheless instinctively sprayed hot vegetable oil from its anal glands in a desperate bid for survival.Rotter
Who'd have thought you could terminate the Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man with a few simple incantations an' a damp mop?Namgubed the Merry Elf
Despite Dolly's talent in the kitchen, she was unable to convince the State Fair that her deep-fried "Lhasa Apso on a Stick" would be a big seller.Elkman
Dolly may have succeeded in killing Orville Reddenbacher by shoving a mop down his throat, but his ghost would torture her forever.Mycroft
Man, you wouldn't believe what Peppermint Patty can do with a broom, a gallon of honey, and an extra-large tub of popcorn!Werehamster
"Mmmm! Popcorn! Oh, and I'm carrying a mop, too."Krazy Llama
"It took some doing, but I finally stole the Jolly Green Giant's electric toothbrush."Stealth
Forget those painful and dangerous D&Cs . . . introducing the modern after-the-fact contraceptive . . . Dolly's Womb Broom! Now inna special extra large size for my mommy!Hideo Spanner
The annual 'Bathing of the Deadbeat Daddy' was always a festive time at the Keane household.Westur the Unspeakable
"Hey, Billy! How's your hayfever this year?"M
"Note to self: Windex and crystal meth...alllllriiiiiight!"Heath
Good news, guys! I finally passed it!Riff
"Daddy! Time for your colon cleansing!"The E-man
See Mom, no matter how fast I run, I never catch the front of the mop!Dr. Gonzo
Boy...I'll get that date with Mr. Clean for sure now!Tyler
How NOT to hold a light saber.Mr. ?
Dolly wouldn't let a little Ebola Zaire get in the way of her chores!Larry Hastings
I won't use that dandruff shampoo. Selsun Blue is people!Ken
Look what I pulled out of a hole in the back yard! A "scrubbing bubble" hive!Smokey
Back to the DFC Archive index