"You fucking drunken dolt, the 4th was yesterday!!!Bil's Drinkin' Buddy
Bil stood defeated, as all his brilliant dreams of having a Superhero son crashed before him. But someday, he swore, Doof-Man would ride the Doof-Mobile, if it was the last thing he ever did.toade
Bil, being the alcohol sponge that he is, never realized that "Taxi Cab from a Third World Country" was a horrible theme for the grade school's tricycle day.A.S.Earles
Thel sleeps with you, and she got a new BMW!Lost in Erehwon
Bil discovers that the concept of "a cool bike with all the bells and whistles" has changed a little in the past 30 years.Lost in Erehwon
LLLLLETS GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLE!!!R.J.M.
R. Crumb had a difficult childhood.Microman
...but I hate baseball, mom, AND apple pie! Kurt L
Bill didn't try to understand Jeffy's baby bird fixation. He just accepted it, and fed him the worm.Treb
Jeffy was horrified at the desecration of his tricycle until he noticed that the front tire happened to be nestled between Bil's legs. One swift forward kick of the trike from behind, and he began to feel better.furplay
"Sure, it was hard watching Jeffy wheel out of the gate and into the waiting crowd. But hell, I've got 3 more kids and we needed a diversion to get out of the embassy." from Seven Years in Iran by Bil Keanebobo
Hooray for the grey, white and black!NME--
"Jeffy wept." Keane 2:15 is the shortest verse in the "Big Family Circus Illustrated Bible"hangtownman
If he's this upset about the bike for the parade, mused Bil, he's probably not going to like the costume at all.Westur the Unspeakable
Bil suddenly wondered if he'd misunderstood his son's wish to join a "gay biker gang."Trism
"Open your freakin' eyes and take a look. There's no way my feet could reach those pedals!"Heath
"But Billy's tricycle leaves dotted lines wherever he goes!"Heath
Failing in yet another attempt to win his son's love, Bil realized he would have to simply resort to drugs and cash from now on.Vice Pope Doug
Please God, not another D.C. vacation!!!Gen. Sedgwick
Horizontal stripes? *sob* As if my ass couldn't look any fatter!bobo
"Whenever Jeffy didn't get his way, he would start to sweat profusely and imitate an emperor penguin. God how he disturbed me."--They aren't the only ones, by Bil KeaneMagus
"May 28th: I have sucsessfully trained Jeffy to bark like a seal and beg for treats when he sees the American flag. This 4th of July is going to be a HOOT!"Magus
When Jeffy of the Sanhedrin discovered his father, hard at work on the sabbath, he wailed loudly, gnashed his teeth and tore his clothes.Nethicus
Overcome with shock on the occasion of his first gift ever, Jeffy fills his pants. anon
Although thought for years that Billy acted alone, this recent photo shows that the assasination of JK was actually done by several gunmen. Notice the 5 bullets all coming from different angles as they close in on JK's melonhead.The Tiger
You moron! I said I wanted to ride that dyke like it was the Fourth of July!Gen. Sedgwick
What you failed to realize is that by purchasing it with the upgrades it has an aggregate cost of greater that $2,500. Now we're going to have to capitalize it over an estimated useful life of five years!Buzz Lightbeer
Bil was puzzled. "I had to tie thiese things on somehow -- where else was I going to find catgut?"Stealth
Once again Jeffy lapses into abject despair at the thought that he is actually related to this pathetic buffoon.me, myself, I
Jeffy was crushed at Bil's unwillingness to mount a burning cross on the handlebars.me, myself, I
But I'm an Anarchist!Werehamster
"Bil learns the value of Tequila" - Keane Family Plate, Series 1 Number 7 from the Franklin Mintmyke
"You never tell me how pretty I look!"M
How Bil discovered his kids were Canadian.Gen. Sedgwick
"I said trisexual!"Heath
"But I DON'T wanna be a Republican!"The Mad Whacker
Try as he might, Jeffy couldn't lift the bike. Bil silently cursed the $49.95 that he'd just blown on Little Mind Tricks For Your Little JediThe Dork Wanderer
For th' luvva God, Montressor! Why not just shave my head and carve the words " Kick my ass! " into my scalp while yer at it?!?Doc Evil
His comments on the dangers of Jingoism were lost on his son, who just thought Bil had fucked up again. Hugh Jass
And so, young Jeffy Keane so hated his new tricycle, that he dislocated his head and let it hang against his back.Hugh Jass
"They're supposed to be Confederate Flags!"twomp
"Why can't you do this drunk, like usual? I HATE it when you build things on paint thinner!"twomp
Bill finally realised that his son was a commie faggot.anon
Back to the DFC Archive index