DFC #312

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Look, if you don't eat it, how will we know if it's toxic or not?Anastasia

Quick, eat it before the sauce clots...Bubba

While it never made much of an impact in North America, McDonald's Melancholy Meal was a runaway success in Denmark.bobo

Ok. Don't draw attention to yourself. Good. I've written C-A-L-L in my dinner. Now you write P-O-L-I-C-E in yours. When the waitress comes over...El Kabong

In the future, everything is made by Microsoft.Heath

"EEWW! You're eatin' WATERMELLON? You cannibal!"Magus

But if you don't eat my tofu suprise, you'll never find out what the suprise is.Anastasia

"The question we're trying to answer here is, how many times can you cycle it through before you get all the nutrition out of it? So far the record is 13."anon

C'mon, Jeffy! You never minded chewin' on that pubic hair when it was attatched to Thel! Chow down, cowpoke!Pastor Perry

And then he played the piano with his BUTT! That was the greatest concert every, and I haven't been so whacked out on dope in years! So how was your weekend?Yakko

Well, I say it's half full. Shame it's also half curdled.Gen. Sedgwick

As the contest of wills with Mom entered its third week, Jeffy began to regret not eating his peas.Larry Hastings

Mom scraped it off Charlie Brown's thought balloon when he was in a bad mood. Eat up.L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

"What the hell's your problem? You said you WANTED a hamster!"Jazzsoda

Finish your vodka before you eat. Remember, The more you drink, the better it looks.Whups!

DOLLY-X1 UNIT HAS DETECTED INSUFFICIENT NUTRITIONAL CONSUMPTION. REPEAT, INSUFFICIENT NUTRITIONAL CONSUMPTION. ORDERS FROM COLLECTIVE STRICTLY FORBID EXCESSIVELY INEFFICIENT INTAKE PATTERNS. COMPLIANCE REQUIRED IN NEXT 60 MILLISECONDS OR THIS UNIT WILL BE FORCED TO ENTER DISCIPLINARY MODE.I B L I S

Listen, Turdboy, after all those 'special nights' you've spent with Uncle Roy, there is no way in H- E-Double-Toothpicks that Mommy is gonna believe you can't swallow her deep fried Rocky Mountain Oysters!Batlet

And for Chrissakes don't mispronounce it, or we'll have it every week!Gen. Sedgwick

Ach! and now for ze cleverness of my plan; Now that your hands are locked to ze seat - I vill make you stare at a plate of Manure!Terminus

Hey, I'll trade you a tail for that snout!Riff

Why does Jeffy always get the good dirt?Riff

"Get it before it crawls away! It may be the only protein you see until Thel and Bil get back from rehab."Stealth

"You remember what Thel said. No leaving the table until you've cleaned your plate. Now eat your pen squiggles."Medea Bunkmesser

Look, groats aren't that bad. You should of been here when she went on that "healing power of morning urine" kick. Man, I was going through Scope like Daddy on a Friday night.It's only right and natural

No Jeffy, finish. That's what PJ would of wanted.Eat Yerself Fitter

Dolly unwittingly channels Elvis: "Hey, you gonna eat that?"Namgubed the Merry Elf

"Look on the bright side, Jeffy... if she was drunk enough to burn it that badly, chances are she'll pass out pretty early tonight."ks

Honestly, I think last week's boiled roadkill beats this week's "potting soil surprise."The Outsider

"No, that's mess. I had the slop."Shem

"Oh, there's the dime. Looks like you get to pay Daddy a visit upstairs tonight, Jeffy."M

Before he eats anything, Jeffy first seduces it with his smoky, half-lidded stare.Shem

"Refusing to eat something you don't like is one thing, Jeffy, but shoving your fork up there...that just can't feel good.M

"Finish your dinner, Jeffy! Think of the starving children in the basement who would kill for that food!"ks

Sure, getting stuck in a kiddie seat is humiliating. But think of the bright side. For the first time since I can't remember you've got legs at a table scene!Stefan Jones

"White House Babies," Episode 112: As Baby Clinton pouts over the diet Baby Hillary put him on, an intern offers to "cheer him up."L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

Hey, Mom worked on that frozen spinach with horseradish and lard for three hours. I know she forgot to actually cook it, but make her feel good and at least try it! xian, the boy with the monkey heart

If you don't finish that, we can't go to the Dairy Queen and watch the other kids eat ice cream!xian, the boy with the monkey heart

"Eat your spinach, Jeffy. Grow strong, and someday you can challenge Daddy for ownership of the pride."Who me?

I'm the queen, and I'm telling you, eat my ants!Bev

"You know Thel's on a serious bender when she just empties the vacuum cleaner bag on plates and calls it dinner."hangtownman

The Keane children. Frozen in time, because they wouldn't eat their... EWWW! What is that crap, anyway?Bev

"Now, aren't you sorry that you asked for the high chair? Sometimes you don't want to see what you're eating."twomp

"See? Mom can burn water."twomp

Billy, if we don't eat our enemies, how will we ever absorb their strength?Mr. ?

If we continue evolving at this accelerated pace, we'll be nothing but roly poly disembodied heads, floating around disjointedly, mumbling bland family oriented statements.Mr. ?

Goop on you, plate!zen

BACK STRAIGHT, PLEBE! HOW MANY SECONDS 'TILL GRADUATION, PLEBE? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!zen

You dont GET a fork, boosterchair-boy. I'm surprised you're even getting solid food.SOYLENT GREEN there, I said it

Hey how come his turd has more corn than mine?anon

The double humility of sitting in the booster seat and having his food pre-chewed would scar him for life.Heath

Mad-cow disease, my ass! Like your syphillis-rotted brain would even notice!Sgt. Mercy

"Faster you fools! Run! The Jeffy-mouth has come for you!"Westur the Unspeakable

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