No, I won't let you into the women's clinic. I don't care what Roe v Wade says...Greg J
I'm telling ya, he may look like a dork, but Robotman is the best lay in town.Toozday
I hate these neighborhood block parties; they're so full of phonies. What say we go off behind Mrs. Bombeck's garage and get to know each other?Craig
How do you hold anything in that hand of yours? It's smaller than MINE!BK
Say...where can _I_ get a pair of come-fuck-me boots like that?Bill Hunter
So, the kid from "Adam" is seeing that little bitch daughter of Francie's...ohhh and that dreamy Chip from "Hi and Lois" is still single!Bill Hunter
I don't care how GOOD it feels, Jeffy...it is not natural for you to want to dress like that!RBByrnes
"...all I'm saying is just think about Dan Quayle as a presidential candidate. His experience, his way of thought, his demeanor all are extremely representative of cartoon characters such as ourselves."Tim K.
"...so with the great perspective in this cartoon, I was about this long..."Vy Rothko
Wanna see the amount of ecstasy I can give you with just this hand?RBByrnes
"Well, sort of. Except it hurts a lot more."Stephen Lee
At first I thought Keane was just being lazy by leaving these gaps in our faces, but now I understand the deeper, almost zen-like symbolism of removing the boundaries between self and the external universe. Of course, since no great philosopher is ever recognized in their own time, he's constantly being mistaken for some stupid hack cartoonist.paTRICK heSTER
A little friendly advice, honey -- the tricks go for the natural look on this corner. Go-go boots and a rubber raincoat might work downtown, but not here.anon
How did you make yourself look so feminine? I've been trying for years to lose my "sexless hermaphrodite" look!kafka
...It's called "Dianetics" and it changed my life. Hey, what are you doing for the next two hours?Andy Ihnatko
"No, really, I used to make the same mistake too. But when my mom showed me the trick, I never put one on adhesive side up again."casil
Have I told you about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ?studly
That's when I pulled out ol' Bessie and started waving it around, saying that I wasn't going to be taken alive. Dad almost shit his pants!Kiet Le
You're new around here, aren't you? Take my advice: get out now while you still have two nostrils!anon
It's not so much limp hair, as it is deflated head.Kraken
"Well, I got crack, blow, mary-jane... saaaay, you look to me like the heroin type."Larry Hastings
Don't worry. My dad will have you looking like a sexless freak in no time!zazu
So my agent calls me up and says that Penthouse wants me for it's "Freaks of The Funny Pages" pictorial.zazu
And as Dolly kept talking, Marcy only had one thought: 'God! Look at the size of her head!'!
..So ya see, you really don't need to have the TV set on the same channel that you're taping!zazu
Horseback riding's Ok, but have you ever tried sitting on an washer during the spin cycle? zazu
"I've always been a fan of your work, Ms. Sinatra. Can I call you Nancy?"Danster
Yeah, it's me! Jeffy! Don't let anyone tell you that central american doctors aren't GREAT.MrNeutron
...so then I grab his left nut, like this, and ask, real nice-like, "When am I going to see the money?"Craig
You'd be amazed at how much you like it. Would you believe I've got one strapped on right now?casil
Let me tell you how Amway changed my life!Studly
. . . so yeah, it is just a bunch of computer nerds trying to one-up each other making shit of us. The hours bite, but the pay's pretty good. Just be warned that if you take the job, you'll probably get an awful lot of "dyke" jokes.Pete B.
Yeah, the ponytail is new. The boys will only play with me if I look like a football.The Sandman
And that's when I stopped dieting. See, I figure that if I let myself go, then I'll be let out of my contract for this damn cartoon.Daniel Alex Finkelstein
...So she said "Have you ever kissed a girl," and I said, "Yeah, but I don't think she knew I was one too..."Freddy Krueger
Ahh! You must be my replacment! Well, I'd better tell you before I leave... when I heard I was being replaced, those WEREN'T real tears!Magus
Anyway, this show stars this guy who's trapped in space, and he has 3 robots, and they watch really bad movies...Incoherency
I should tell you now... My dad shoots Jehovah's Witnesses on sight.Incoherency
And the beauty of it is that Whole Life protects _and_ increases in actual value.anon
Just leave the purse in there 'n walk right out. Don't look back. Don't run from the 'splosion - just keep walkin'.anon
Well, if you can bear the stench, a tub of lye will do the trick.NCB
Before you come into the house, I must warn you that Bil will ask you to do things that are amoral, revolting, and possibly illegal. Just ignore him.anon
I know 147 ways to kill you with these two fingers.Hugh Jass
I hate these fake backgrounds, don't you?Jon Davison
Hey, you've got that gap in your forehead too!J-rad
Hmmm...there's something different about you, Billy...has your head grown again?J-rad
Really? When *MY* dad gets drunk, he sneaks into my room and writes "GOODYEAR" on the side of my head! zazu
Spare change, lady?anon
My god, Bil, look her face! This isn't a person, it's a chimp in a cheap wig and a trench coat!MrNeutron
This is a fictional gun I'm holding. So? This is a fictional cartoon. So just give me your fictional fucking boots, and we'll call it even. Okay?BUZZARD
Yeah, I made that same mistake at first. "Blow" is just a figure of speech.Matthew Jordan
Back to the DFC Archive index