DFC #279

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

"Stereotypically prognathous. Look it up."anon

Delightful scenes of Jane Goodall's early work can be yours to treasure forever with these beautifully crafted collector's-edition plates from the Franklin Mint.M

This 70's retro stuff sucks. At least you got some cool "come fuck me" boots. I got these stoopid ears...anon

"Sure, but it's safer. Big crowds, and Michael Jackson doesn't try to fuck you."Randall

Bil Keane's attempt to submit one illustration for both Disney's new brochure and the Penguin Illustrated edition of Kipling's White Man's Burden was, needless to say, not met with enthusiasm from either party.phil

Hi there! Y'know, I'm thinkin' that by getting to know one another, we can enrich our lives by introducing each other to meaningful traditions found only within our own cultures. You can start by pulling my fingers.Murray Macintosh

Hey...has anyone ever told you that you look like the girl version of Pig-Pen?El Scorcho

This is what happens on a block when Annette Funicello and Nancy Sinatra have garage sales at the same time.Call me...Shirley

This is great! For the first time in my life I can use this line! (ahem.) YOU SHO IS UGLY!!!Shuga Booga

"Spare change, miss? Spare change for a pathetic, melon-headed, walking advertisement?"Magus

Hi I'd like to talk to you about the Church of Latter Day Mice!Terminus

"An' since the recent Disney buyout, we've been told we need to cast a full-time token... It'll be portrayed sort of like a bastard child of Bil's who gets dumped with us by her crackhead mom... and I was wondering..."frood

Evening Sister. Have you heard the Good News of Our Lord Jesus Christ?Timmy's Flat Rotting Colon

"...an' so after the kickback to my agent, I still get fifty bucks per panel for th' product placement."Podbeing

"...an' we saw Mickey an' the Magic Castle an' rode Space Mountain an' ev'rything. 'Course, you wouldn't know about that 'cause Mommy says your family blows all your money on crack and malt liquor."Word.

File Under: "No Idea What Bil Was Trying to Draw."anon

"So that's how Stephen Jay Gould debunked the theory that Africans were more primitive due to skull structure. He obviously didn't get a good look at you, though."Seamus

Yeah, it looks stupid, but at least its not nappy!Brad Popsiclestick

And in the fifties, there were separate drinking fountains for black kids, white kids, and scribbled-in kids.Your name

Is it my imagination, or is Dolly so fiercely Caucasian she's glowing?Thomas Wilde

"Don't ask."Jamey "Quacky" Powell

"In your country you made Mickey ears eighteen hours a day and got paid two dollars a week? That's really cool! You must've been sad to leave, huh?"Zegunder

The ponytailed stranger continued: "Yo, sistah! Slap me some skin! Check out my tight mofo mouse ears, knowhutI'msayin'?" Ann suppressed a bemused smile. Never had she seen a white person try this hard.soon

It serves the dual purpose of covering my bald spot while bolstering my sense of identity through a superficial association with Disney. But I'll trade you for those kick-ass gumboots.anon

No, no, no...Dan Quayle was attacking those who devalue fatherhood--it was nothing against you. So how about that Republican Party donation?soon

Hello. I am Dolly. I am your friend. I am not from Mars. I am from Earth. I welcome you to dinner. I will not anal-probe you.Jenn Dolari

Daddy was filming a porn with him, Billy, Jeffy, Mommy, a pair of battery cables, some Venetian blinds, a chocolate cake, PJ, Barfy, a Volleyball, about a pound of Russet potatoes, and wouldn't you know it I got the job as the damned Camera!!!Like this caption will be posted

"C'mon. Surely your people have told you the signficance of wearing an elephant testicle hat."Don't look up

"They give you different pills that make you feel funny, then you have to run through the big maze to get the cheese...I get ten dollars a week, and I get to keep the ears!"mutantdog

"Um, and like, tell me about your experience or something..." Wearing Bil's idea of a hidden camera, Dolly continues work on her documentary on the life of a black person.Dr. Schmuck

So you see, by drawing you with a white doll, Bil is implying that all blacks idolize, and therefore aspire to be, white. Of course, by my own logic, that means I aspire to be a melon-headed mouse with a ponytail, so I may just be blowing smoke here.Westur the Unspeakable

"The subliminal messages in the re-release of The Little Mermaid drove Dolly over the edge. She roamed the streets wearing her Micky Mouse hat, with a copy of The Aristocats under her arm, cornering total strangers and inviting them to 'Rap about Walt' with her" -- From Dark Circus, White Circle by Jeffy KeaneStefan Jones

Sorry, I already made a friend with a minority. A little Spanish girl introduced herself to me yesterday.Kevy

Melon-headed hemaphrodytes who worship Annette Funicello and carry half-full Cap'n Cruch Cereal boxes and trade sexual favors for suffed animals...on the next Montel.Vitamin Tom

"I dig this Citizen Kane lighting. Me, fully lit, and you darkened out . . . maybe Bil was watching AMC and it filtered through to his unconscience . . . . "phonsux

Sure, mock me now...but when Herr Eisner begins the purges, you won't be laughing.Dark Toast

So I go "Hey? How come a cross-dressing mousketeer doesn't qualify as a valid 'Diversity Days' group, but a midget Idi Amin impersonator is OK?" Pahh! Cultural diversity my ass!Action Jackson

This ought to be in the 'NO CAPTION NECESSARY' hall of fame.7 Years in Babette

...and that's how I came to have the train from "Monopoly" imbedded in my skull. How was your week?Lore Fitzgerald Sjoberg

Guess what? At the local Mouseketeers club we just voted that your kind aren't really people. Hand over the doll and report to Billy for assignment to your new owner.CFT

"Jeffy. It wasn't funny for Ted Danson. Its not funny for you."Frod

"...An' Pastor Hampton said that Noah's son Ham was black, an' he committed adultery, an' that's why your people are marked by God... And by the way, you're going to Hell for playing with a white doll."Amos Bodingus

Oops. I thought you said you were into RAT music....Yakk

A young Melissa Etheridge meets a young Tracie ChapmansINad

I dunno. It's supposed to be a Mickey Mouse hat, but it just looks like a silhoutte of Charlie Brown and Drew Carey making out. You explain it.Sir Chuck

Large, distracting false "eyes" in fish and insects is one of nature's most effective camoflauges.jellybean

Like our new gang logo hat? We're a real Mickey Mouse operation! Ha ha! Get it? Oh, never mind...Mr. Ben

Yeah, I figured, "My name's Dolly, her name's Dolly, I'll check out the theme park." And it was great and I got this great hat. Of course, the damn censors had to get to it. THE WORLD DESERVES TO SEE MY DOLLYWOOD BREASTS-HEAD HAT!!nonentity

Don't worry, "my sister". I'm "down" with your "lingo". Check out my "phat" Mickey mouse Hat. "Word to your mother."nonentity

"Anything you can spare will help us pay the cryogenic storage fees for another year."Jim Ellwanger

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