DFC #22

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Wait a minute, wait a minute, where's the stuff that's supposed on the bottom shelves? Do you think Bil could get any MORE lazy??J-rad

Well, THIS is a pretty chickenshit arrangement!E.Z.

"Look, granny, I don't care what EITHER of you say...the line to give Jeffy a wedgie forms behind ME!!"Wes Flinn

Jeffy says the bookcase is half-full. PJ says it's half-empty. I say you should've stopped calling QVC three friggin' shelves ago!!!Andy Ihnatko

Thank God you're here! Two big guys broke in and stole everything! OK, I'm gonna go out and get the police. I'll be back in, umm, about three hours or so.Andy Ihnatko

Well, I guess it's better than sleeping in the trunk of Gramma Keane's LeBaron.Andy Ihnatko

Yeah, same thing in our house. How come every time people split up, the guy gets to take all the stereo stuff?Andy Ihnatko

Look! Near the center crease! Spider-Man and Brenda Starr are gettin' it on!Andy Ihnatko

So, not trustin' us with the breakables, huh Gran'ma? PJ, climb up there and start smashin' shit! We'll show the crone how kindly we take to such insults!"Krull" was a fine film.

Look, here's a booger Grampa rubbed under the shelf back before he died!Scott Arnett

Look at all the stuff that billy has made out of his own crap. He is going to start a horse todayDuh

When this top heavy curio cabinet tips over on one of us, we're gonna sue you for every penny you got, you fat bitch.Hugh Jass

When you & Grandpa croak, we'll get this house, and we'll put your ashes right here!Janet Mickelson

I yell *BOO!" and the little dweeb hits his head on the shelf. Works every time!zazu

It's OK, Grandma, we've been through this before... just call the pawn shop and the liquor store and ask 'em to hang on to Billy when he comes in.Paul Roub

You just think you've defeated us! As soon as Jeffy finishes concentrating his chi, he'll show you a kick that'll make Jackie Chan look like your grandmother! Horselover Fat

Everyone come quick! Billy's getting ready to make a stinky!anon

And this shelf is for the idol of Hastur, He Who Shall Not be Named. Oh shit.anon

Ok, I'll behave! Now get my goddamn insulin from the top shelf!zazu

Don't worry Gramma, Jeffy does at home all the time.the brian

What do you suppose he sees in there?RLW

Jeffy's been starin' at that same spot for three hours now. I think he must have got into your medication again.Greg J

Dammit bitch, how am I supposed to discipline Jeffy when you keep moving the cattle prod? I want it back on this shelf in ten seconds or your ass is mine, do you hear me?matt

But Gran'ma, why-- Oh, crap. Hold the punchline. Looks like Jeffy's been into the acid again.Craig

Watch this - P.J. will run full-speed into whatever object I point at!Craig

Jeffy said he's practicin' to be a plumber, and he needs to get juuuust the right amount of butt-crack showing when he bends over.Craig

What's this crap doing at the side of this cliff? Let's push it over!anon

"I guess this means you didn't buy that Ida Know and Not Me crap last time."Jeffy

I Don't care if you're living on catfood! If You hock my Raffi albums again I'll kneecap you, ya old twat! zazu

Either you put the breakables down here where we can reach 'em, or Jeffy's taking a dump right here, I swear it!Pagan

Hey, this shelf is about as empty as one of Dad's backgrounds!Sauron

He's been like this ever since you moved these shelves where the TV used to be. But it still freaks me out when he sings along to the commercials.Rusty Q.

SHIT! Okay, Granny, YOU answer the door and pretend you live here! PJ, you drag the dead guy into the bedroom and stash him in a closet. Jeffy, you get the van started. Shit, I hate it when a job gets botched!Bruce Gabrielle

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