DFC #212

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

We're all melon headed freaks, every time a holiday comes along we start pasting references to it all over our house, Dolly's not wearing any pants.... JUST TAKE ME NOW, LORD!Magus

Jeffy's in heat, Daddy. Don't ask me to explain it. He's really warped Mommy. He dry-humped her calf, then she started barking orders at us to decorate each room of the house for a different holiday. you can fucking sort this out, I'm through.Mighty Owl

Bushmill's sent these over. They thought we were a bar with the quantities we ordered.Yakko

And now, a man with three buttocks...anon

well, you know, we've never actually said what our nationality is so Dolly and I chose Irish and Jeffy and PJ chose jewishtiki tiki tembo nosarembo charibari roochie, pickperi pembo

...and the loser has to shave the winner's head. By the way, Dolly, black two on the white three...Heath

As soon as we're done here we're gonna go throw rocks and fire bombs at the BritsNorman Church

We figured that if we decorated the house like that dingy fake Irish bar you hang out in, you'd spend a little more time with us.Kukla

"It's part of the cultural exchange program: we get U2 and they get Michael Jackson. Be thankful we're not trading with Australia."Paul T. Riddell

....and after we learned that he was a slave from Scotland, we abandoned our childlike hero worship of St. Patrick....and turned our attention to heroines we know the real story behind! So, has anyone seen my entry certificate for the Spice Girls Fan Club?Ultra-Girl

Yeah? Well, you buy us a calendar that has more than just "March 17" on it, and we'll decorate appropriately, you cheap bastard!marty gray

I looked up from my decorations and saw a familiar look on Bil's face. Disappointment. And that's when I knew that once again, I had ruined Christmas. -- From Growing Up Keane: MemoirsRappin' Rickey V.

GOOD NEWS, Dad! Our test results show that when properly dried and mixed with certain other common household chemicals, these garden weeds can produce a potent hallucinogen!Danimal

Of course it's really March. You blacked out back in July '97. NOW will you go to rehab?Gen. Sedgwick

"These are the latest crop circles from the pasture out back. Washington is targeting Ireland for nuclear annihilation as we speak."Clay Colwell

Oh, we're still conceptualizing the blast reflectors for your attaché case. Don't you give us any of your deadline shit until you secure us some detcord!grafcafe dot com

An' we learned all about Ireland. When I grow up I wanna be 'kneecapper.'Horselover Fat

I think it's Gaelic for "Foogin' Brits gi' ye home."Horselover Fat

This is part of our " Don't Beat the Irish" community service.Hives

Daddy, what is a "fucking mick"?The Antichrist

You, sir! Have you accepted St. Patrick as your personal saviour?Rotter

That's right. You buy these inspiring home-made 'Sinn Fein' posters and nothing will happen when you start your car tomorrow.anon

We were stuck, but then we realized we could just trace around Jeffy's feet. Thank God for Thalidomide, huh?Rotter

I'm looking over/A three-leafed clover/That I've overlooked before!/ONE is for failure/The other's for gin/ONE's for the hellhole/That we're all trapped in!Rotter

...and then Teacher told us to go out and blow up some Protestants for the good of Ulster.Rotter

These drawings left with each body...it's like the bastard wants us to find him. But what's the pattern, Rollo? Dammit, what's the pattern?!?Rotter

This is a FAMILY strip. We can't use a pot leaf!Mr. Ben

"Atmospheric test drops" my ass! There ain't a damned thing in "The Roswell Report" which looks even remotely like any of these eyewitness' aircraft silhouettes!Rotter

Props department messed up again, Bil...these were supposed to be nude pictures of Jenny McCarthy!Mr. Ben

Hell yes they go up on the bulletin board! These are your best yet!Rotter

As Billy laid out his plans for world domination, the video camera concealed within Bil's briefcase recorded every word.VitaminTom

I'm helping Dolly with her Shamrock Fetish. For your sake I hope your not wearing anything green.VitaminTom

"I figure this will make the buyers more at ease. We'll get another 20 percent on the semtex at the least.Second Person, Archaic

Okay, you caught me! I'm really a leprechaun! Jeez, Dad, you drew me so small, what else could I be?anon

I hope Thel "Erin Goes Bragh-less" again this year in that tight little leprechaun number. It's magiacally delicious!yook

We're tired of this circle shit. I think we could be more popular if we were shown in a different shape.Bubba

We figured we would put something on the fridge other than your AA report cards.anon

Here are all those leaf drawings you wanted. Just remember, when DFC gets 80 billion pot captions, its your own damn fault.Tony's Dancing Clams

Clovers? Sure, whatever. It's certainly not pictures of your penis and 3 testicles. Ha ha. Nope, certainly not that. Tony's Dancing Clams

Dad, I think your becoming a little to attached to that briefcase. You've been clutching it to your chest ever since you ran off crying after cartoon #201.Tony's Dancing Clams

Well, maybe if you'd draw a refrigerator for once, we wouldn't have to tape our drawing onto the only window.Tony's Dancing Clams

Ya' know... when most 8-year-olds stand on a chair, they're as tall as their father, but noooo. Not in our freakish world.Tony's Dancing Clams

And the fun continues tonight, Daddy! We're gonna find dirty double meanings for all of your favorite Irish phrases, followed by the naughty limerick competition!Mighty Owl

I just got the word that the IRA is setting up good houskeeping in town. Let's just call this insurance, understand?Mighty Owl

"We're close on its trail. The clubfooted sasquatch won't elude us for long."phonsux

"Bil, you're such a fenderhead. Like anyone in this family would be so lucky as to be able to draw a four leafed one."phonsux

"St. Patrick's Day? You fool! That's the symbol for "The Triad Of Anarchy"!Wonko

...Then after you finish talking to the British ambassador, you "forget" your "briefcase" in his office. That could happen to anyone, right? Anyway, when you reach the street, run like hell and don't look back.The 4-Star Pope

"Dolly, you wuss! I told you, I wanted drawings of flaming skulls with knives coming out of their eyes! Oh, Hi Dad."Wonko

Really? So when Mr. Wilson asked if I'd like to see his shillelagh and kiss the Blarney Stone, it wasn't, strictly speaking, absolutely necessary to call the cops on him?The 4-Star Pope

We decided on cute drawings this year. Jeffy on the other hand 'cided on thirteen Irish coffees and is presently on the roof, puking on anything the gets within range!Vice Pope Doug

Jesus, Bil! Now THAT'S the St. Patrick's Day spirit! You got another mug like that for me?The 4-Star Pope

I tried to explain that a photo of Uncle Roy passed out from drinking too many Bailey's & Guiness shots was far more valid a symbol for St. Patrick's Day than a non-lucky three leaf clover, but Mrs. O'Reilly was too snookered to comprehend the logic of it all. OM

Mrs. O'Reilly's taking submissions for a new "Black Shamrock" propaganda poster for the IRA. Winner gets a free trip to Dublin and front row seats at a pipe bombing of their choice!OM

It was "Irish stereotyping" day at school today, Daddy . . .The Hanged Man

" Maybe you can live through another pipe bomb, Mr. Uber-Protestant, but I'm not taking any chances..."spook

"When the doctor showed us the ror-shack, me n' Dolly both said 'tree' like you told us, but you shoulda heard what PJ said, 'Mr. Tight-fit'!"Opti!

Yhea, Erin went bragh! Right after poundin down a fifth o' Jack!Prof. Moriarty.

"Gee Dad, we're really glad you could stop by and hone your trademark expression of bewilderment, but we're kind of busy right now."MutantDog

"Think you could lift yourself out of your flatline Prozac stupor for a few minutes and give us a hand, Dad?"MutantDog

We stole the blueprints for the St. Patricks day stage from some foolish carpenter, and found a weekness in it just like the fucking Deathstar. Pull out this brace, and biggity-bang, the stage is trashed and we go smoke a bowl.JustSayOz

Since we're all in black and white, nobody was wearing green! Kids were pinching the shit out of each other!dufus

Stop whining, you'll be lauging out of the other side of your face when Dolly gets her own pay-per-view.Hodge

I saw Penn and Teller do this... they covered the walls with the Three of Clubs, and then the big one dismembered the little one with a chainsaw. You wanna hand me that electric knife, Dad?Ravecavy

I will not make any 'Bil is a lush' captions... I will not make any 'Bil is a lush' captions...Chief Running Chicken Shit

"Just one more empty senseless warped quasi-religious holiday as far as I'm concerned. Still, we feel oddly compelled to absurdly overdecorate for it. Thanks a bunch for the insanity gene."mutantdog

Jeffy's gotten the truck bomb set up in front of the Lockhorns' place, Mommy's cleaned out our stash of Bushmill's, and the C-4 and the fuses are packed in your briefcase.anon

Bil swore if he remembered this scene he'd be able to think up a funny caption by July. Of course, Bil had sworn (and sworn off) many things, but nobody paid much attention anymore.Moorlock

Well, maybe you are of good Scandinavian stock, Dad. We, on the other hand, can't help but feeling that our cultural roots are somewhat closer to that of Mr. O'Reilley, the Milkman.Hideo Spanner

It's called a Rorschach test, Daddy! if you can come up with something better than cock and balls, we've got a new interpretation.lance lectrice

Christ, Dad, even Cathy Guisewhite can draw doors all the way to the floor!Deckard

It's July. The Halloween stuff will be in the stores next week. So we thought it was about time to finally take the St. Patrick's Day stuff down.Anastasia

Well, at least it's less disturbing than a bunch of scythe-like S's and W's.Preacher/Judge

Feither, teck that briefcase down to Victoria Station immejately. Gerry Adams'll be here any minute, an' if 'e sees oos slackin', wail, I dun needa tail ye!a.holter barbour

"Well, you're a Brit/Scot Catholic, and Mommy's an Irish/German/Cherokee Protestant. Makes me want to get a big stick and beat the shit out of myself,doesn't it?"Paul T. Riddell

Okay, you want to keep the traditional circle, but you want to have a multi-panel cartoon like Schulz, right? Here's the solution Dolly and I came up with.Joe Klein

Production on our St. Patrick's line is up 125% since we quit sleeping and started injecting Jolt cola intravenously!BigDog

We're trying to lure the leprechaun back into the cookie jar so Mom will let Jeffy out of the dungeon.Charlie Steinhice

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