DFC #186

(a cheery warmfuzzy cartoon that you can't see)

Face it, troops, the Million Melon March is just another flop.Charlie Steinhice

Of course I'm pissed! Can't you listen to reason?! We just HAPPEN to win a trip to Washington DC? We just HAPPEN to be invited on a tour of the FBI headquarters? Wake up!! It's a fucking trap!!The 4-Star Pope

Whadd'ya mean, what am I on? I don't have to take such insinuations from a group of giant toadstools.Anastasia

The next asshole who says to me "Mr. Gingrich, you look so much shorter in person" is gonna get punched in the nads!alanon

In our own house, we're lucky when you remember to draw the toilet, but here, a vanishing point, shading, and Zip-A-Tone! And for your information, Bil, according to the Capitol dome in the window you've got this bus careening down the center of the Mall! *Great* fucking vacation, Bil.Orrin Bloquy

so Thel, whaddaya say you an' me ditch bil an' the rugrats an' blow this rolling popsicle stand an' get ourselves a drink or four?karl marx

Aw, do we have to go there again? Last time we went, three hard-up senators thought i was a page.Ricky

Oh, we're going into the capitol building all right--I cut the brake lines.Marty Gray

How the hell was I suppose to know she wasn't a whore?!Tecumseh

The whole Keane clan became a bit aprehensive as Billy began to sing the Iraqi national anthem as loud as he could.Azazael

. . . because the goddamn security guard at the White House took away my handgun, that's why!The Hanged Man

I wanna see some real sights! Like where did Marion Barry get hooked up?phonsux

"...as Billy ranted on about something, my gaze was drawn to the front, where her bare calf continued to dangle and tease." -- from Dolly Keane: Early Awakenings Prof. Moriarity

If you two don't get Dolly to stop singing Magic Bus, so help me god, I'll kill her.Anastasia

If he hits me in the back of the head with that flag one more goddamn time, I'm gonna make a PJ-kabob.Tim

I don't wanna keep riding the Capitol Tour all night again! I want to say in a real hotel!Rotter

No, you're both right. We could be riding the world's only inverted-helix coaster at Six Flags, but then we wouldn't be learning anything. This is the best fucking vacation ever.Rotter

Well, Dad, maybe if you wouldnt hit me so hard, Id be able to sit down!Azazael

This Sucks! I'm hot, tired, hungry, thirsty, I can't see out the windows 'cause I'm too short and my balls itch and you won't let me scratch 'em!Christian Kisky

"I told you! I have to stand like this until it crawls back up!"Mark Bilodeau

The observant will notice Keane's inclusion of the star of one of his failed comic strips, Jane Brixton - the woman with one elbow, as the bus's tour guide.Jr. Justice

I got more acting in my little pinky than Keanu Reeves! Why the fuck didn't they cast me for Speed !?phonsux

Jeffy gets to sit on Mommy's lap, PJ gets to sit on yours, so why can't Dolly sit on mine !? phonsux

I can't believe Hillary Clinton turned me down! That bitch probably thinks she's better than me!anon

I don't care if he is a Kennedy, the asshole drank the last of my MadDog 20/20.Otis

"What difference does it make if I'm sitting down or not? There aren't any fucking seatbelts on this deathtrap anyway."Nightfall

"And on the left, you can see the White House...." "Well, I'm looking left, and all I see is white trash!"Schickelgruber

"You know what? I'm getting pretty damn tired of P.J. holding that damned 'Washington, D.C.' pennant."Daniel Lanker

Why'd you have to come get me?? I was making good money in that bus station....War Gerbil

That's it, I am through with that fuckin' agent. A "remake of a modern classic", my ass -- like I would knowningly sign on for the Jerry Falwell version of "Get on the Bus."Paul Roub

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