Hey, look. Your dress matches my pants. And your hair. And the sky. Shit, Mom. Have you ever noticed everything is in black and white?tbone33
Look, mom, if the johns want a broad with a bra stuffed that much, they'll go for a 14 year old. Let's send Dolly out tonight with the kleenex, huh?The Tribble Tamer's Apprentice
Wait, you said the dress code at the dress code was "Black tie only?" And Bil took it literally? Sgt. Spam
Well, Jeffy went long, and he sorta just fell out the window.anon
Ya know, wearing that tight dress isn't doing much to hide the huge growth on the back of your knee.Truant
"Cheap...Mother's Day...gift ..perfume....making......me............loose...................consciousness......."Speed R
"Casinio boats again huh? If it's all the same to you, can I have next weeks lunch money now?"Speed R
Shit Mom, I thought sayin' you look like a whore WAS a compliment.Mr. Poopy Pants
Now remember, make sure you have Coach in an "agreeable mood" before you "suggest" that I get the starting QB job.Amazing AlKirk
Escort, my ass. You're a HOOKER mom, a HOOKER!JohnBoy
No thanks Mom - last time you hugged me wearing THAT bra I punctured a lung.Carl
Mommy, why did you dress up like a French whore for Halowe'en?Sgt. Mercy
Look, making us take a number for service is bad enough...but did you HAVE to have them printed on our shirts?RBByrnes
Multipurpose DFC caption #479 : "Have you ever told Daddy about your affair with Gary Larson yet?"Sgt. Spam
Mommy, you know he's taking us to McDonald's again. Wake up and smell reality.KL
Well, Mommy, I see we're both ready for a night of contact sports . . .The Hanged Man
Okay, now remember! Make sure this one pays up front! Otherwise, P.J.'s new name will be "Stumpy".Ratman
Wow! That "butts and boobs of steel" video really did the trick.Rainman
Your date's at the door. Either he's a short ugly guy in a tux, or he's a penguin. Says his name is Opus.Anastasia
Daddy's gonna be really pissed when he sees you in his new Donna Karan original.Mad Mike
The new year's party was weeks ago, isn't about time you changed your dress?Yakko
Nice try, Mom, but... Angelica Huston already has a lock on the part. Besides, Raoul Julia is dead, so who would they get to play Gomez?Jessica Steinhice
Fancy dress, schamcy dress. You still look like a whore.Bubba
Well, I think tacky is a strong word...where did you get a crotchless evening gown, anyway?Greg J
He drew you in a formal with bell bottoms? The man's fashion sense comes out of a can of Pabst.phonsux
Mom, if you don't want Dad to hit on the waitress, you're gonna have to show some leg...Yeff
I'm going to bed now. Once you get home, I'll be awake all night listening to Dad scream at you about how he can dress you up but can't take you anywhere.Anastasia
Mom, you know you're only kidding yourself. Daddy's not going to take you out to dinner - Daddy's doing 35 to 40 for pederasty.Schickelgruber
Hey, could you give me a hand lifting this wall off P.J.'s legs?Schickelgruber
Why are you so dressed up to wash the dishes?Don Spudleone
We just waxed Bil, and you're going to the funeral like THAT? Balling the DA won't make this go away, mom.Gromble
Man! Sturdy child-bearing hips you got there...I can see why Daddy always draws you in profile when you dress like that.Rotter
Hey, Mom, that "Butt Master" works pretty good. Now maybe you should try "Rickets Master" to fix those warped legs of yours.Schickelgruber
I can't believe you spent money on that while we're still wearin' clothes from 1971.Peter Brady
...when you left, we dialed the escort service. So... I guess they sent you.pp
It was a common scene. Our parents were going out on the town, but first Billy would confront Mom in the bedroom, demanding that she choose: the old man or him. This terrible tableau played out, everyone ended up in tears. But after the adults left, Billy would vent his rage on me, as usual. -- "Don't call me P.J." by Peter J. Keane.sigar
Me and my friend here would like to know, how much for a tag team?jlt
I don't mean to spoil your anniversary, but I thought you would want to know: Dolly just blew her head off with Dad's shotgun.Goon
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