DAMN! Last I remember, Uncle Roy was fixin' me one of his "special cocktails". Next thing I know I'm waking up in a difficult zone wet spot, there's a twenty dollar bill on my pillow and my ass feels like I just shit out a few dozen Taco Bell habenero fajitas!paTRICK heSTER
Why do I look so tired? 'Cause you and daddy were fuckin' like housecats in the next room, THATS WHY!!!P.T.
"You know Mommy, I just couldn't get out of bed if I didn't see your sweet ass every morning."Sick Boy
Turn around! Stick it out! Even melon-heads gotta shout! Baby got back!Doc Evil
In the Keane household, it's never too early or too late to play "Twister" with the young'uns.anon
Thumbs down, Mom. What's with the dyke gym teacher outfit? I asked you to wear the harem outfit this time, geez.xtopher
Do you think you and Dad could kidnap a short kid next time?!?? I'm really tired of havin' to cuff these damn pants.BigDog
For cryin' out loud....I'm only 8 years old, Mom. Do you think you could wait to walk around in your crotchless tights until AFTER I've gone to school???BigDog
Watch it, Mommy. You almost stepped on last night's hypo!anon
Mom, you're walking on your knees again.Meg
Did the airplane glue, Play Doh, felt pen stains, GAK and Silly Putty come out in the wash okay, Mom?Meg
Man, I haven't had a decent night sleep since I discovered masturbation. The Pale Boy With Soft Hands.
Mommy, today is one of those days where you wake up and that nagging little voice in the back of your head tells you that maybe finding the thought of Ernst Borgnine going to the bathroom sexually stimulating isn't normal.Freud's Dream Patient
You don't get it, Billy. You're in my body today. You'll wear my clothes. Didn't you ever see Freaky Friday?Roy
Son of Jor-el...kneeeel before Zod!!!The Daily Planet rules!!!
I had this weird dream where all the people had round heads, two nostrils, and aged. Talk about a freakshow!Greg J
So, what would a hefty "tip" to the masseuse get me?Greg J
Say, mom, have you always had those cloven hoofs?Greg J
Man, what size bed is this anyway? Court Jester?Doc Evil
White Vestments? Dear God, you've joined another weird cult, haven't you?Anastasia
I'm not going to school today. I've got the heartbreak of psoriasis.Anastasia
You found a stack of "Manflesh" magazines in your room and you think they're mine? Boy, do you need a clue!Riff
Damn, I'm still alive!Riff
Gee, I was hoping that my waifish, elfin appearance would stimulate your nurturing instincts -- but I sure as shit didn't think it would make your nipples hard! You're sick, Mommy!Vice Pope Doug
Holy Shit! The last time I woke up feelin' like this, I was in a dumpster in Tiajuana, wearin' a tutu, with a barbie doll up my ass!Vice Pope Doug
A DRESS??? I'll wear a dress the day I see you in black spandex shorts with reflective striping and a Hooters T-shirt. Hey, wait a minute...ChoppingBlock
"New rule, Mom. When you try to smother me with a pillow at night, don't come by sucking up to me in the morning."ThreeSwords Delamitri
Feels like a "normal" day today, Mom. I don't think I'll need the straightjacket.not elsie
Mommy, what's that big bulge in your shorts?slacker
An Excerpt from Manic Depressive Family Circus: You're wrong! I DON'T have any reason to get up in the morning! My father is a hack artist! My mother looks like a Gym teacher! My sister has the head of melon! My two brothers are the subject of constant Pedophilia accusations..! Life just isn't worth living anymore! Bill Versteegen
"Jeeze mom, it was just a hampster. But if you're going to do it, do it right. The flag should be folded into a triangle..."The Sandman
Hey mom, since yer going to be on your knees anyway........Arid
"There's nothing so irresponsible as a man in the depths of an ether binge. Want me to demonstrate?"Paul T. Riddell
"Oh, it was terrible. I dreamt that Universal was making a movie based on us, and you and I were played by Courtney Love and Pauly Shore."Paul T. Riddell
Clean sheets will not make me feel better. Penicillin will make me feel better.Anastasia
Wake up at 11 AM, someone kisses your ring, washes your feet and brings you clean vestments. Man, it's good to be the living reincanton of the Buddha!Rotter
Listen, as long as I can haul my ass to third grade, I do NOT have a drinking problem! Otis
Oh, you're gonna change the sheets? Okay, just don't look under the bed. I mean, feel free to look under the bed. There's nothing incriminating under there. I mean, Dad's not hiding under there, or anything. Whoops. Okay, well, I gotta run.M. Bloom, who's not German
"Put that bodybag away. I overslept, dammit."ThreeSwords Delamitri
"Oh, Mommy! I had this terrible dream about you coming into my room wearing... AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!"ThreeSwords Delamitri
"I had this terrible dream that I was trapped in this monochrome sphere for all of my life!"ThreeSwords Delamitri
Let me get this straight: he writes Primary Colors anonymously, but posts captions to DFC under his own name? Is Joe Klein completely out of his mind?anonymous
It is NOT a wet spot! I spilled my Martini -- so you can take your "Difficult Zone" an' shove it up your ass!Vice Pope Doug
It was NOT a girl in here. It was Kittycat. If you're smart, you'll stop your line of questioning right there.Vice Pope Doug
Clean sheets? I didn't know the social worker was visiting today!Joe Blow
Aww, mom! Do we have to change the sheets already? Sometimes I like to sleep in it for a week or so!Billy Bob
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