So we used the F word 287 times..but I wanted it to feel really Terrintino, ya know?the wonder cheese
...but I thought you and Dad wanted to draw the line between reality and TV?realitysucks
Mom, you know Dolly hates to see these videos of herself before her tail was surgically removed.B.C.
Mom, I still don't see why you had to shoot P.J., Jeffy, and our dog just beacuse they were interupting the movie.Magus
This tape was made over a week ago...and we're still wearing the same skanky clothes! No wonder Jeffy just barfed all over the carpet and passed out!Tazabby
Y'know how the camera adds ten pounds? In Dolly's case, it all went to her head.anon
"Frequently, we were forced to play sappy, joyless games, just to 'prove' to our readers that we were wholesome and cute. But that wasn't the end of the torture. These sessions were invariably videotaped, and then we were subjected to hours of mind-numbing 'analysis' as Billy, our self-appointed 'cuteness coach' would critique the tape frame by agonizing frame. Although the police never did find the murder weapon, I'm convinced that it was a croquet mallet that Jeffy used on Billy's head that fateful day Billy announced to all of us that he was taking over the strip from Dad. God, how Jeffy hated croquet." -----Dolly Keane-Mitchell, "Draw Me in the Color of Pain: a Memoir"Dave
I just checked, Mom. Somebody already beat me to the "Heathers" reference.Robert
It's bad enough you think it hilarious that Jeffy disemboweled himself in this scene. But, I find it extremely disturbing that you are using his carcass as a throw rug!!!Tazabby
Cradle it all you want, Mom, but PJ's head still made the best croquet ball we've ever used, and we're still going to use it again next week.brandt
Honestly, Mother, I simply cannot fathom your objection to this point. Young Jeffrey had but a two-wicket lead at this point, and it seems clear that a knock-out was the optimal strategy....hey, waitaminnit. Why the fuck am I talking like this? Man, this is the last time I'm letting Bil draw me playing a pansy-ass game like croquet...Dave
With finances at an all-time low, Billy finally brought them around to the idea of Family Circus: the InfomercialRusty Russell
Wait a minute! If this tape was in the box labelled "Porno," then the tape we sent to "America's Funniest Home Videos" must have been... Damn! No wonder Dad ended up on "America's Most Wanted!"Joe Klein
We see each other every friggin' day! Why is it so surprising no one's the least bit interested in watching thisBill Fortier
Sorry to interrupt, but does anyone else find it ironic that Dolly is playing with a dolly?anon
Jesus, mom! Enough with the ancient, lame-o home videos! Can't you see that PJ was bored to death in your arms, Jeffy's makin' a puddle on the floor 'cause he's bored to tears, and Dolly's brain is so numb, she's playing "Jeffrey Dahmer" with her doll!!! Come on! Just ONE episode of "the Simpsons"... PLEASE????Orion the Hunter
This is a preview of the latest proposed addition to our video lineup. Here Jeffy and Dolly explain how to grow super-psychodelic mushrooms on a special compost derived from dog shit. I'm not saying it'll be a best seller like the "Anal Dolly" series, but it ought to bring in some extra cash. Personally, I believe we'll make even more if Dolly will lose the sweats and get into her "Dorothy The Nubile Young Kansas Farmgirl" outfit and demonstrate the potential benefits of a 'shroom high.Ruckus and Ramrod, Mr. Sinister's henchmen
Mom, I think it was a big mistake to for dad to draw this panel. It proves that I'm just an un-original duplicate of Dolly with the pony tail.Magus
It's not that I don't appreciate it, don't think that. I'm just not sure buying a new color TV makes common sense if you live in a black & white strip.Greg J
I didn't know that Jeffy and Dolly were in Heathers! Is this where they hit Winona Ryder with the mallets?The Incorrigible Welshman
And as the demonstration concludes, you'll notice that even though streaming video IS possible on the internet, this particular video is incredibly boring.Yakko
Before the defense rests I would like to point out this video showing Dolly clearly in a seductive pose! My client could not have raped the so-called victim as she was clearly attempting to seduce HIM!Yakko
If a nuclear accident had left me temporarily 50 feet tall, I'd have thought of something better to do than play croquet with sheep.Horselover Fat
Enough of digging the hole already! Let's fast forward to where we bury her alive!anon
I still find it highly macbre we used chicken wishbones as wickets.Magus
It's not that I MIND being on T.V. I just don't appreciate that fucker Brokaw's reference to us as "Melon-headed freaks playing croquette at the Special Olympics" bullshit!kafka
This week on "Martha Stewart Living", Martha shows what can happen if you don't take the time to match appropriate genetic characteristics with your partner before attempting to have children.kafka
"The Anarchist's Cookbook" IS bogus! They whacked that ball for an hour and it never went off!not elsie
Sheesh! After watching this piece of celluloid effluvium, I owe " Shining Time Station " a BIG freakin' apology!Doc Evil
We need to have a serious pow wow with dad. This film's from 1957, we haven't grown an inch and we're still wearing the same clothes!zazu
Incest Shmincest! We had to use Jeffy! Ron Jeremy was stoned off his ass and Peter North thinks dolly's a bitch!zazu
Yup, that's what I heard. No porno or "funniest home videos" captions, so you can breathe easy for a while. zazu
What a bunch of couch potatoes! You oughta surf the Web like I do! There's all kinds of interactive and educational resources to broaden your horizons! "naughty.com"! The Dilbert Zone! Nude Celebrities! The "women holding their own bare breasts page"! alt.binaries.tasteless! Geez, people, get a life!Vice Pope Doug
The aspect ratio suggests that you went out and splurged on an HDTV set, but dinner was yet another bowl of thin gruel. Can we have a little talk about priorities?ferret
" Man, Comedy Central really sucks since they dropped Mystery Science Theatre 3000. "Doc Evil
Look Mom, everyone's asleep. Can we just fast forward to the part where Dolly tries to smooth out Jeffy's bumps with her mallet?anon
Well excuse me, bitch! This is ONLY my first attempt at real life cinematography. If you think you're so hot shit, why don't you make your OWN film, Mrs. Fuck Zero Population Growth!Hopeless
"See? Our video camera is screwy. Most cameras add 10 pounds to your entire body... not just your head!"anon
Now, as this videotape clearly shows, prior to Dolly's little "Rodney King" tribute, Jeffy's spinal cord and limbs were completely functional.Paul Roub
When does it get to the part where Barfy goes to Doggie Heaven?Anastasia
We grow up so fast? Get a grip, bitch. You videotaped this THREE HOURS AGO!Anastasia
Goddamnit, you taped over my Pocahontas Does Jamestown tape!The Lawyer
We WOULD have been on "America's Funniest Home Videos" if Dolly had remembered to whack Jeffy in the balls.Box Tabachi
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